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Being called childish/immature or told to grow up?

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Droopy, Mar 28, 2012.

  1. Droopy

    Droopy Founder & Former Admin V.I.P Member

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    Have you ever been called childish/immature or told to grow up by someone?

    I've had it happen to me a few times, ironically by people who are more immature than me. Usually it will happen in conversations which are turning into debates (they like to call arguments, but that's a bit strong of a word) when things aren't going their way they will resort to saying that I'm immature/childish/should grow up and then start insulting me (which surely is immature/childish in itself?). Often happens when I'm trying to put a point across that they don't want to hear or when I correct them on something.

    EDIT: Second thought:

    Perhaps they also think that I am "arguing" when I am merely trying to explain my point of view and having difficulty getting it across?

    Is it just me?

    Discuss.
     
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  2. King_Oni

    King_Oni Well-Known Member Staff Member Admin V.I.P Member

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    Oh, times this happened. That in general was in relationships though; where I needed to grow up, act normal, sensible, have more "grown up"interets and get a job. Order of demands might change per person though, lol.

    Perhaps it was that I didn't care about the entire concept of the responsibilities that come with being "adult". In defense I'll state that I never chose to be grown up. Just because my age tells me that I'm this age, doesn't mean that that age is equal to X behaviour, apart from experiences, illness, frame of reference and stuff like that. To me that's just as silly as somone who is telling me "I'm 20, and I'm acting like someone in who is 20". Is there a law for that? A rule? A blueprint? If so, why doesn't that work out for me. Also; there's a difference between physical age and mental age.

    Also add in, that I tend to shift from rather childish interests to conversations that don't add up to my age I actually am. I've had people tell me if they didn't know better, they'd think I was at least in my late 30's/early 40's because I rambled a lot of things that sounded like someone who has a lot of experience in life. (a lot is a loose term here). So to compensate my childishness I usually make that up in wise advice for the years lost in other interests.

    It always struck me as weird that the mental and physical person are the exact same age on the second.

    As for the arguing thing; I can see how you might pull up more arguments, and that's usually a way of argumentation, but it's also a way to clarify things. People who do not recognize that are kinda blunt and ignorant in my opinion. So unless you're actually using an angry voice to state your point... I'm totally on the "it's not me, it's them"-ship
     
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  3. Arashi222

    Arashi222 Cuddling Vampires V.I.P Member

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    It is not just you. This often happened with my ex-friend who I still have to work with. I would be trying to explain myself in a similar manner to what you are describing and I would still end up being called a freak, Drama Llama, told to grow-up and be more mature, get counseling for your issues etc... then she in particular would do the same thing I was doing and it wouldn't be called immature. I think its not just you. I think you're right that people don't want to excuse like my inabilty to express myself so they make fun of or call me immature because its easier for them than to understand.
     
  4. Droopy

    Droopy Founder & Former Admin V.I.P Member

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    That seems to be where it's coming from. I try to explain/correct/clarify things and the other person(s) take that as me arguing. The problem is when it's done online, there is no tone of voice to tell them if I am calm or angry.
     
  5. Salmongirl17

    Salmongirl17 I'm dating my instrument

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    This is very annoying. I anger my friends and they claim I'm interrupting them. it makes me feel awful, but I don't really "feel" emotions, so I don't feel guilty about it. :/
     
  6. Turk

    Turk Well-Known Member

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    I like being childish. You can still be childish and educated. It is my youthful approach to life, that allows me to keep getting up. Most people my own age are boring and predictable. And yes they call me childish, but I acknowledge them with a thankyou. Dont give up your inner child, because I WONT, I WONT, I WONT. ( stamps feet).
    Of all the things people say about us, I can live with being called childish
     
  7. Vanilla

    Vanilla Your friendly neighbourhood hedgehog V.I.P Member

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    I'm all too familiar with this occurrence, and know all too well what you mean
    Oh, I know that feeling all too well.

    I used to try and look back at the argument, and would wonder if I was in fact being childish, but like yourself, would notice that the other person was being childish themselves. Though I must admit, I believe everyone is guilty of this at least once in their lives.

    I don't know if this is the case for all of these arguments, but in my experience, this is a knee jerk response to a feeling of frustration. The person angry at us, is unable to understand our train of thought, and may mistake the truth as a form of malicious intent; even if this is not the case (which it usually isn't). If Aspies are logical thinkers, then it's safe to assume that NTs listen more to their hearts, and emotions (not to say we don't feel, or that they don't think, it's just how we are all wired).

    I've noticed that some NTs find my honesty much too brutal, or much too honest, than they were ever expecting to receive; even if this is what they've asked for. The reason they do not expect my responses, is because they're used to the typical NT responses, which is laced with concern to how the person will react, as opposed to wanting to provide them the truth. Because I don't always provide them the answers they had expected (what they believe to be the right response), they take my answers as offensive. You can see why they would do this, as our truths don't always take in to consideration the emotions of others involved, it's merely what is real. Not everyone is wired to accept the truth in such a raw state.

    I know that I can have the opposite problem. I get angry when the answer is illogical, or false. Of course I can be hurt by the truth, but I prefer it to being lied to any day; I find lies can be even more painful at times. I also find that those around me, who are self-diagnosed Aspies themselves, or are understanding of Aspergers, are less likely to be offended by me, and vice versa.

    Again, only a generalisation; this doesn't apply to all Aspies or NTs. It's merely a reference from my own experiences.
     
  8. umbrellabeach

    umbrellabeach Well-Known Member

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    Every time I have a meltdown my dad screams at me that I'm an "immature baby" and that I need to "grow up." This happened just the other night. He thinks that if he just yells at me enough, I'll change into what he wants me to be. However, I fail to see how what he does is mature in any way.
    When I melt down, I'm just trying to release my frustration and anger by being aggressive with inanimate objects - NOT people. I don't want to hurt people (although I must admit I've thought about shooting my dad before). However, when my dad gets mad, he wants and tries to hurt me (verbally, but that's just as bad as, if not worse than, physically).
     
  9. Vanilla

    Vanilla Your friendly neighbourhood hedgehog V.I.P Member

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    My sister is the same...it's extremely frustrating
     
  10. Aspieistj

    Aspieistj Well-Known Member

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    It is so hard to give up an argument when I know I am right. I have offered hard facts and the other person has chosen not to accept that I am right and won't bother to do research to prove me wrong. If I am wrong, go ahead and prove you are right! I can accept being wrong if you show me hard facts to prove it so. It is even harder if there isn't a documented truth. My "friend" and I argued over and over about the correctness of wishing anyone and everyone a Merry Christmas. I feel very strongly that if I don't know the person's beliefs it is correct to simply wish Happy Holidays. She insists this is a Christian country and everybody just has to understand. I have asked her how she would react if someone wished her a Happy Hanukah but she won't respond. So, one day as I greeted her I said, "Happy Birthday" even though it wasn't her birthday. She just fluffed off my argument that what I had done was the same as wishing a non-Christian a happy religious holiday. I wish it were more common to accept other peoples' differences. I don't know if that will ever happen so Aspies are always going to be told to act differently than they feel.
     
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  11. Vanilla

    Vanilla Your friendly neighbourhood hedgehog V.I.P Member

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    Wow, really? I'll have to remember that if I ever visit the US. We don't have that problem in Australia. Seems like walking around on thin ice; constantly worried you'll insult someone :p
     
  12. Aspieistj

    Aspieistj Well-Known Member

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    In the US it isn't at all unusual for a group to protest a manger in a public park if the park is funded by public (including atheists' and non-Christians') taxes. It would be OK if on church property. We have "In God we Trust" on our currrency and out Pledge of Allegiance says, "under God." Many political anti-religious groups think this should not be allowed. Actually, I think mentioning God on money is in very poor taste and all sworn oaths and allegiances should be free of religion. In this country many different groups view religion in very different ways and I think we shouldn't make that obvious. People should be free to worship as they choose, not forced to pay lip service to any religion they don't embrace, and also free from any religion if they are atheists.
     
  13. Vanilla

    Vanilla Your friendly neighbourhood hedgehog V.I.P Member

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    Hmm...sounds like a fairly complicated issue; not so much from my perspective, as I'm an atheist, but I can see why it would stir a lot of grief for others.
     
  14. GoofKing

    GoofKing All your bases are belong to us

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    Yes, but kind of differently by my dad :/ He'd do this sort of cruel whining impression which really pisses me off and I don't think it's fair, seeing how I don't take his bait and start throwing fists and he can even act childish himself at times ... :(
     
  15. Val2

    Val2 Member

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    Yup. People say it to me once in a while. Usually it's said when fighting though. It's the only "insult" they can think of because I'm otherwise perfect in every way;):p I know we're aspies here, so I just want to clarify that I was being sarcastic with saying I'm perfect :)

    Usually when people say "grow up", they're actually projecting their own immaturity onto you. If they were mature, then they wouldn't say something so childish. They would be able to use their words like an adult and describe why you're frustrating them, just sayin'.
     
  16. Granta_Omega

    Granta_Omega Well-Known Member

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    LOL. Sorry just some pop-culture humor.

    However, I don't really care when people say this to me much. I personally like being like a kid, because kids like me better that way. I like having the characteristics of being a responsible adult, but only because I want people to trust me with the care of their kids when babysitting or teaching, but I generally don't care about being childish in friendly personality.
     
  17. ghoulbler

    ghoulbler Well-Known Member

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    I'm told that I'm much more mature and intelligent than I should be at my age (I've always been told this) and that I'm also really irresponsible, childish, and need to be approached like a six year old. It's a strange combination to be stuck in.
     
  18. Sportster

    Sportster Aged to Perfection

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    Hmm, I don't know if I'm childish or child-like. On many occasions, I've had people tell me to "grow up." My question has been, "What is that?" I work, pay my bills, and don't bother anyone. I no longer play with Matchbox cars, swing on a swing set, or play cowboys and Indians (wish I could, though). So what is it about me that makes others feel that I need to grow up? I'm 54-years-old; how much more "growing up" do I need to do before I reach their expectations?
     
  19. Granta_Omega

    Granta_Omega Well-Known Member

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    Not really. On or above target academic and business oriented skills is not related to emotional and social maturity.
     
  20. ghoulbler

    ghoulbler Well-Known Member

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    I just meant it is a strange feeling, personally speaking, not that there's anything actually strange about it.
     
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