Bathroom anxiety

[Fluttershy]

Hey guys. This is kind of a weird topic, and I'm going to go into detail because I really need help so please be warned.
My entire life I've struggled with anxiety going number two if anyone is around. It's varied a lot in degree. It has a lot to do with relaxing. I literally just cannot if I think anyone is around or if I'm under pressure like time.
I know, logically, this makes no sense. No amount of telling myself everyone poops and no one cares makes a difference. I don't care if people know. It's not like that logically. It's like it's become a weird sacred ritual that can't be interrupted.
Right now I'm okay because I live in a basement and have my own bathroom, but I'm trying to move out soon with a room mate for the first time ever. I don't know how to fix this. My therapist said I should face it head on but I feel like I'll end up in the hospital or something from holding it. I just spent 3 days with my girlfriend and held it for 3 days. I don't want to be weird and uncomfortable anymore.
Does anyone have a similar problem? Any ways to work through this so I can function more healthily?

 

[Beverly]

I used to, when I was young. Life on tour and, otherwise traveling cured me of not pooping if I even thought anyone might come close to the door of the bathroom. The first month on the road, I took a laxative once a week, I knew I had to make myself go.

I'm sure you know what laxatives do, the stimulant kind like Ex-Lax brand. After four times of that, and knowing anyone nearby heard me poop but, all that happened was people teased me (friendly teasing) about smelling up the bathroom and, asked me "Feel better now?" One day, I just went when i had to and didn't even think who might know I was pooping and, after that it was fine.

Now, at home, because my bathroom is designed so that no one can see the toilet if the door is open, I rarely even close the door. I do close doors in public bathrooms of course, that would be embarrassing not to do.

On this I have to agree with your therapist, face it head on, even if that means a once a week laxative for a short while. If you need a laxative more than four or five times, then ask for more help from your therapist.

 

[Datura]

I still feel self conscious about going #2 in a public stall. That said, I can do it if I have to. Phobias are peculiar thing. Even if you know they are irrational they can still be as strong as ever. I have a phobia of sending out resumes. I suppose that gives me an incentive to be loyal to my employer, but it can be really debilitating. In the end, the only way to get over it was to face my fear and do it. When nothing bad happens then you learn to be less anxious.

 

[royinpink]

Yeah, I had something similar. I didn't take laxatives (partly because this was mainly #1), I just pretended I was in my bathroom at home and kept up the mental illusion for long enough to get it over with--after a few times of doing that, the anxiety lessened.

 

[AsheSkyler]

I've heard a lot of people are much more anxious about defecating than urinating around people. Especially in public. Personally I try to avoid public bathrooms for any reason because I hate how much they echo and I don't like the fact that they know that I've got my backside shining. I keep nearly everything private still and I'm married. Blowing a nose is natural too, but that doesn't mean I or anybody else (who isn't seriously disturbed) wants to hear details of every last booger that came out.

If you're rather quick in and out, could you perhaps trick yourself into thinking they won't find out because you're about as long in the bathroom as you usually take?

 

[NateSean]

With holding was one of my major issues as a child. As a result, I wound up clogging the toilet more often than not and this led to a lot of uncomfortable discussions about by toilet habits well into my teen years. So my advice would be to think of how much more embarrassed you would be if you had to wind up in the hospital (something you've already considered) and knowing that having someone give you that kind of attention would be far worst than if you took care of your own body.

I hope that puts things into perspective as opposed to making them worst. Than being said, you can make certain dietary decisions that will force matter to overcome mind. Your body can become dependent on laxatives, so instead invest in some fiber tablets and take one regularly. Trust me, you'll go in public or at home when those kick in and you will be taking something that your body actually needs as opposed to becoming dependent on what is supposed to be a temporary remedy.

 

[royinpink]

I know a girl in my college dorm used to turn on all the faucets so no one could hear her pee. I was sorely tempted to follow suit, but making a big deal out of it would cause me even more social anxiety, so I tried to overcome it myself. I would just sit and wait until I could keep up the illusion long enough, or time it while they were making noise (toilets flushing, etc.). But for me it was definitely about other people hearing, not so much a personal ritual.

As for defecation, I still avoid anyone being within earshot of that and usually can hold it until such an opportunity is available...if not, I am not above adopting my former dormmate's running faucet strategy.

 

[Lealea]

Yeah I didn't like public toilets either as a youngster then I discovered that if you put a bit of toilet paper in the toilet first it's much more quieter. I never went in school because you had to put your hand up and ask permission, so I would run to the toilet when I got home.

 

[NTgirl4276]

I actually used to do this when I was dating my ex-boyfriend. For some reason (aka immensely stupid gender stereotypes), I didn't ever want him to know I was using the bathroom--which probably speaks volumes about how (un)comfortable I genuinely felt in that relationship. Good riddance.

It was ridiculous, because we spent so much time together and practically lived together for quite a while. So, I resorted to either sneaking off to the bathroom when I knew he was totally asleep or immediately after he left the house. In the 3 years that we dated, he never "caught" me once--and he was amazed. He actually used to ask me, "When do you go?!??"

I echo NateSean's advice above, if you're determined to face this head on. By incorporating certain foods into your diet, your body will literally force you to deal with this without all of the strategy and subterfuge. I personally have a fiber-rich diet these days, and I know that there's no way I could get away with my old tactics even if I wanted to.

 

[umbrellabeach]

Due to my parents constantly invading (or at least trying to invade) my privacy when I was a kid and teen (and even sometimes in my young adulthood) I can't be in the bathroom at all with family around, unless I'm taking a shower or doing something else "clean" like that. Only my parents were obsessed with urination so I grew up much more anxious about that than about defecation. (Actually, for some reason, I like to make jokes about constipation and such.) But I can still relate to you.
Most people's definition of privacy is merely not being seen. Mine is not being seen, heard, or even KNOWN to be doing something at ALL. I avoid public bathrooms because of this (although I know strangers probably won't be all perverted to me like my parents and probably won't even think twice about my being in there; still, I get anxious because of what I've been through).

 

[ChrisC1983]

that whole "face it head on" type of thing amounts to a "because i said so" reasoning.. which, for me, is crap (no pun intended). if i was the Nike company and i could "just do it", i would be a rich architect/scientist/painter/furniture designer living in a small Victorian mansion far enough away from everybody to not even hear traffic

much of my life i refused to use public restrooms entirely... luckily, i'm a guy so i would atleast pee when i really really really needed to. but i would rather make myself sick holding it than have to sit on a public toilet. knowing anybody is in there does make things much worse, but my biggest thing in my case is a germ thing (part of the scientist thing i mentioned.. and a spiraling chaos theory mind)......... but thats another topic...

what about headphones or such? you could put a few songs on your cell phone and get the small ear buds they sell now-a-days so you wouldn't be able to hear if somebody came in or was within ear shot. you may hear a knock on the door in the apartment from the roommate but overall i think it would still help

 

[AsheSkyler]

So my advice would be to think of how much more embarrassed you would be if you had to wind up in the hospital (something you've already considered) and knowing that having someone give you that kind of attention would be far worst than if you took care of your own body.

Best advice I was ever given came out of a tshirt magazine: "Never do anything you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics."

It was ridiculous, because we spent so much time together and practically lived together for quite a while. So, I resorted to either sneaking off to the bathroom when I knew he was totally asleep or immediately after he left the house. In the 3 years that we dated, he never "caught" me once--and he was amazed. He actually used to ask me, "When do you go?!??"

That reminds me of a bit from one of my favorite comedians! "When we were dating, I didn't know my wife could poop. In 15 years of marriage, buddy, she learned how! There's nothing quite like walking into that invisible wall, 'cause with women you never know what to expect since they're always sitting."

luckily, i'm a guy so i would atleast pee when i really really really needed to. but i would rather make myself sick holding it than have to sit on a public toilet.

Learn the female hovering trick and it never becomes an issue again.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I actually used to do this when I was dating my ex-boyfriend. For some reason (aka immensely stupid gender stereotypes), I didn't ever want him to know I was using the bathroom--which probably speaks volumes about how (un)comfortable I genuinely felt in that relationship. Good riddance.

It was ridiculous, because we spent so much time together and practically lived together for quite a while. So, I resorted to either sneaking off to the bathroom when I knew he was totally asleep or immediately after he left the house. In the 3 years that we dated, he never "caught" me once--and he was amazed. He actually used to ask me, "When do you go?!??"

This is what I do. If I want to go in the bathroom I wait until no one's around. If I'm already in there and someone comes around, though, I just get really quiet, because while they might know someone's in there, they don't have to know it's me.
I have to say, if I was dating a guy and he actually asked me that, I'd break up with him immediately. I consider that an attempted privacy invasion.
Last July, I think, I followed a web link that led to a graphic full of little pictures about odd things some people do, and this was one of them. I saved it to let myself know I'm not alone. Now that I've read this thread I feel even less alone. (Yes I consider it modesty. I forgot the file name would show on here. XD )

 

[ChrisC1983]

lol.. yeah, i'm not a hoverer lol. if that water splashes, i'm going to freak out.. fall (hopefully simply landing on the toilet and not on the floor... omg not the floor) and i will be 100% useless the rest of the day until i can get back home to shower........ or atleast get a box of baby wipes or wet napkins (the ones from restaurants.. i keep those things with me at all times when i get them)

 

[NTgirl4276]

Best advice I was ever given came out of a tshirt magazine: "Never do anything you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics."

I've heard similar advice! "When you're trying to clean out your closet or whittle down your wardrobe of unnecessary items, get rid of anything you'd be embarrassed to be wearing during a car accident."

I have to say, if I was dating a guy and he actually asked me that, I'd break up with him immediately. I consider that an attempted privacy invasion.
Last July, I think, I followed a web link that led to a graphic full of little pictures about odd things some people do, and this was one of them. I saved it to let myself know I'm not alone. Now that I've read this thread I feel even less alone.

Believe me, that was just one of many reasons why I should have extricated myself from that relationship But, me too, I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who does/did this!

Modesty is a good word for it, I think.

 

[NateSean]

if i was the Nike company and i could "just do it",

On the other hand, if all you had to do to accomplish all that was drink plenty of warm water (Tea, coffee, oatmeal) and eat a high fiber diet then you probably wouldn't hesitate.

what about headphones or such?

I thought of this one shortly after I posted but I wasn't sure if Fluttershy owned a smartphone or similar device. I know that if I want music in a public restroom, I need to sing to myself, which usually draws a lot more attention than just pooping.

 

[Fluttershy]

Thanks for all the advice. I really want to point out that I don't feel embarrassed by people knowing, it's just them being around. It's like a weird, private thing. If that makes any sense. I can text people while I'm on the toilet. I even joke around with one of my close guy friends and tell him I'm texting him while on the toilet. It's just the physical presence of people that doesn't let me relax. So telling myself people don't care won't work because I know that, and putting headphones in usually makes it worse because I wonder if people are even closer.
I'll try the other stuff though. The dietary changes and if it comes to it, laxatives.

 

[Beverly]

Ask yourself this: "Is it any different texting someone that you are on the toilet or shouting it through the door to them standing just outside the bathroom?" If it really is different to you, what makes it such a big difference and, what can you do to convince yourself that it really isn't any different other than using you voice instead of your fingers to say you are on the toilet.

 

[Datura]

Apparently bathroom anxiety isn't such a rare issue. I remember hearing about these noise canceling key chains during a conversation about Japan's highly advanced toilets.

 

[Venk]

I have ingrained issues with going to the toilet if anyones within ear-shot.

At home: I run the tap in the sink, or turn on the shower before im ready to get into it (yes I know im wasting water), or start a load of washing, or turn on the dryer etc, so no one can hear me ablute.

In public toilets: I only use them if I absolutely have to and I wait until someone flushes or uses the noisy hand driers and then IPEEASFASTASHUMANLYPOSSIBLE.

Some ideas to help make it less of an issue when people are sharing your home or you are sharing theirs: putting a few squares of toilet paper in the bowl first really does cut down on any noises of things hitting the water. Find a toilet spray/ odour remover that dosnt offend you (you can buy little canisters that sit on the counter and remove odours from the air or you can get many different kinds of sprays, from floral scented ones to ones that magically just remove the odours from the air- you can get these in small purse/bag/pocket sizes for going to other peoples homes or if you dont feel comfortable leaving a big can of spray out in the open at your own home). Get a magazine or news paper to rustle ("Im just finding something interesting to read!"). If im going out and have a feeling that ill need to poop away from home later on then I try to not eat things that I know are going to cause a reaction (like if you're lactose intolerant etc), I have flushable wipes in my purse and a tiny travel can of odour remover because those two things make toileting much less anxiety filled for me, and if I was at a movie theatre or something, id try and poop there rather then waiting until getting back to the friends house I was staying the night at etc cus as much as I hate pooping in public toilets, I REALLY hate pooping at other peoples houses.