ilovetochat87
Well-Known Member
I was diagnosed at 15 with AS and now I am 28. I have been moved out for 5 years I wanna say. my dad has been a drinking man my entire life. never enough to be in AA meetings or anything but enough to be angry and say mean things and scare us. if that makes sense. I hated living there but I had no where else to go but dads house. Mom divorced him and we lived with mom 4 days a week and dad 3 days a week. mom couldnt afford the apt on her own so she moved in with a friend for a year and there got a job in a bank and that helped her with personal finance skills while she was at it. we had to live with dad during that time. he was the kinda man that would have 2 beers and that was too much for him and he would punch the wall next to us but not hard enough to break the wall but certainly enough to wake us up and make us realize that whatever it is going on that dad is serious about it and means it. we would hide in our rooms. now mom found a man when i was like 18 or 19 or 20 something like that. she moved in with him and we would go to their house on the weekends friday-sunday night and come back to dad bc I had work and little sister who is 5 years younger had school. we didnt get me disability help till I was like 22 or something.
Now I lived in my dads house hating it and wanting to move out on my own. I was not socially ready bc like many ASDs I was still comfortable with the life of dad cooking dinner and going to work but having the leasure to come back home and watch tv and not pay for anything. I wasnt socially in the mind set where I was ready to be adult and try to be on my own. I was ok living like I was still 15 and mom and dad doing my laundry, dinner, grocery shopping for everyone like when I was a kid etc. but emotionally I was scared and wanted out and yet wasnt ready for that reality yet. but I needed to do something.... mom tried for 7 years to get me help with disability ppl so that I could have social security and have an apartment and all that. but again it didnt happen for me fully till I was 22 or 23 i cant remember which off the top of my head. I got on a list bc some services i needed were not available but a year from moving out they became available. Like getting someone to come in home and take me grocery shopping and show me how and help me write checks and use my debit card when shopping and writing checks for bills..
Now I lived on my own for 3 years alone and I loved it being independent. but given that I cant drive it was hard getting out. I had not learned the bus bc I get lost easy and talking to strangers is a slight problem. I mean if a man is scruffy I know he is weird or if a man is hooded or in all dark again, I can assess that is more than likely weird. but sometimes in the store someone says my hair is pretty and I say thank you and walk away and find that they werent just being nice but being weird but my luck I walked away so he couldnt say anything else but I didnt know that. it was purely luck since I didnt know. but not everyone saying your hair is pretty is weird. i get ladies who notice that i just got my hair cut and styled at the salon and are just being nice bc it really does look nice. But for me it is kinda hard to know sometimes. anyway, I have never learned the bus bc my mom is concerned on those things for me.
I get lonely and bored to the point that i cry and wonder why do I of all people have a disability and why cant I drive and be able to get out on my own?? If I could drive then on times im totally bored I could drive to sonic or quik trip and get ice cream or something and get away for a couple min. its not fair blah blah blah. i have to remind myself that it could be worse etc. and be happy for what I can do. well my bff from high school lived down the street from my apt like a mile literally. she walked the mile in any weather to work at k mart each day and back. if it was cold or icy or storming she would tell her parents she was staying at my house and they would pick her up. we are bffs. Now she needed to get out and be independent and i needed to not be lonely. so when my lease was up on the 3rd year we got a two bedroom in my complex.
its been two years now and she is wanting to be in a one bedroom on her own. I understand that. that is fine. nothing wrong with that. I might want to go back to a one bedroom myself. I enjoy the company but space is better by ones self. an she wants to have a bf maybe and doesnt want to have anyone else there etc. she is not being mean or anything or pushing me out or anything. she is doing nothing wrong there. I personally would like to at least be in the same complex. she is my closest friend. my other friends live too far out n if we didnt live in the same complex it would mean living on my own and not having ways around and no friends again. etc. etc.
we have had cockroaches this year in our building some reason. no one knows why. I have had the bug control guy out every single month since may. he comes the first and last wednesdays of each month. so its not getting better and not really remedied either. we have to keep all pantry food and utensils and tupperware and pots pans out in the dining room in boxes that are on top of the dining room table. so he can spray and bc of the roaches in the kitchen. so now we have decided we want ot move. the apt isnt really helping much and that is getting to us and aiding our decision to move. we live in the metro of kansas city missouri. specifically in the platte county area. we have very little choices of places here. i specifically because I have disability ppl and she does not. i have to keep them so i am limited to platte county and that is small area. and everything is slummy like and some are kinda out of my price range. like i can handle $500 but not much more. i make about $1,200 ish a month and that sucks badly for allowances of places. that narrows my options way way down.
all the places in my area and we have seen ALL have been in the $600 or more range and i cant do that price or they dont have avail. like most said they didnt know in may or june yet but that they probably wont have anything bc their place is popular and havent seen moveouts in a long time. and some were on waiting lists for up to a year. some only had 2 bedrooms avail at their place and didnt offer a studio or 1 bedroom etc. so she also wants to save up for her car. her grandma gave her $600 for that but she needs part for insurance etc. she is saving up a little more. so we need to prolly stay here a year and get on the year wating list....
she is getting upset with my excentricities and she is just now getting the nerve to tell me that its too much and she wants to leave. it started with a post about who puts peanut butter in the fridge and you know who you are. i only did that bc it was a singel pack i put it with her applesauce singel packs so she could use it for lunches. sorry. she kinda got upset and i told her she wasnt perfect either. she said that she is tired of me lecturing her. the only time i lecture her is when the bills are due and she needs to get her check out with mine bc she doesnt have her name on the accts and therefore has to use a check when i do. she likes to be a little late and doesnt like me telling her to get it out with me on time. just little excentricties she doesnt like anymore
she could move out but with the apt situations i would be stuc with $730 a month for this on my own and i cant with out her. idk what to do. my mom said to not worrry bout her bc i will get help on the apts but idk if she understands that i have nothing available and i have none i can afford but i have to stay in this county bc of services and they cant transfer me out of the county. what is everyone thinking on this. i needed to vent bc its not fair to judge me when i have a disability i cant control and need help a little and not everything is my fault necessarily. lol but i cant deal with her sometimes. but i rely on her too idk what to do. i spent all day feeling like I just have an external locus of control and a sense of learned helplessness that all make for a bad adult experience. i have relied on everyone for not being able to drive and all and i cant live lavished and not alot of choices for me and etc etc. so i feel like the helplessness and dont know any other way but dont want to .
Now I lived in my dads house hating it and wanting to move out on my own. I was not socially ready bc like many ASDs I was still comfortable with the life of dad cooking dinner and going to work but having the leasure to come back home and watch tv and not pay for anything. I wasnt socially in the mind set where I was ready to be adult and try to be on my own. I was ok living like I was still 15 and mom and dad doing my laundry, dinner, grocery shopping for everyone like when I was a kid etc. but emotionally I was scared and wanted out and yet wasnt ready for that reality yet. but I needed to do something.... mom tried for 7 years to get me help with disability ppl so that I could have social security and have an apartment and all that. but again it didnt happen for me fully till I was 22 or 23 i cant remember which off the top of my head. I got on a list bc some services i needed were not available but a year from moving out they became available. Like getting someone to come in home and take me grocery shopping and show me how and help me write checks and use my debit card when shopping and writing checks for bills..
Now I lived on my own for 3 years alone and I loved it being independent. but given that I cant drive it was hard getting out. I had not learned the bus bc I get lost easy and talking to strangers is a slight problem. I mean if a man is scruffy I know he is weird or if a man is hooded or in all dark again, I can assess that is more than likely weird. but sometimes in the store someone says my hair is pretty and I say thank you and walk away and find that they werent just being nice but being weird but my luck I walked away so he couldnt say anything else but I didnt know that. it was purely luck since I didnt know. but not everyone saying your hair is pretty is weird. i get ladies who notice that i just got my hair cut and styled at the salon and are just being nice bc it really does look nice. But for me it is kinda hard to know sometimes. anyway, I have never learned the bus bc my mom is concerned on those things for me.
I get lonely and bored to the point that i cry and wonder why do I of all people have a disability and why cant I drive and be able to get out on my own?? If I could drive then on times im totally bored I could drive to sonic or quik trip and get ice cream or something and get away for a couple min. its not fair blah blah blah. i have to remind myself that it could be worse etc. and be happy for what I can do. well my bff from high school lived down the street from my apt like a mile literally. she walked the mile in any weather to work at k mart each day and back. if it was cold or icy or storming she would tell her parents she was staying at my house and they would pick her up. we are bffs. Now she needed to get out and be independent and i needed to not be lonely. so when my lease was up on the 3rd year we got a two bedroom in my complex.
its been two years now and she is wanting to be in a one bedroom on her own. I understand that. that is fine. nothing wrong with that. I might want to go back to a one bedroom myself. I enjoy the company but space is better by ones self. an she wants to have a bf maybe and doesnt want to have anyone else there etc. she is not being mean or anything or pushing me out or anything. she is doing nothing wrong there. I personally would like to at least be in the same complex. she is my closest friend. my other friends live too far out n if we didnt live in the same complex it would mean living on my own and not having ways around and no friends again. etc. etc.
we have had cockroaches this year in our building some reason. no one knows why. I have had the bug control guy out every single month since may. he comes the first and last wednesdays of each month. so its not getting better and not really remedied either. we have to keep all pantry food and utensils and tupperware and pots pans out in the dining room in boxes that are on top of the dining room table. so he can spray and bc of the roaches in the kitchen. so now we have decided we want ot move. the apt isnt really helping much and that is getting to us and aiding our decision to move. we live in the metro of kansas city missouri. specifically in the platte county area. we have very little choices of places here. i specifically because I have disability ppl and she does not. i have to keep them so i am limited to platte county and that is small area. and everything is slummy like and some are kinda out of my price range. like i can handle $500 but not much more. i make about $1,200 ish a month and that sucks badly for allowances of places. that narrows my options way way down.
all the places in my area and we have seen ALL have been in the $600 or more range and i cant do that price or they dont have avail. like most said they didnt know in may or june yet but that they probably wont have anything bc their place is popular and havent seen moveouts in a long time. and some were on waiting lists for up to a year. some only had 2 bedrooms avail at their place and didnt offer a studio or 1 bedroom etc. so she also wants to save up for her car. her grandma gave her $600 for that but she needs part for insurance etc. she is saving up a little more. so we need to prolly stay here a year and get on the year wating list....
she is getting upset with my excentricities and she is just now getting the nerve to tell me that its too much and she wants to leave. it started with a post about who puts peanut butter in the fridge and you know who you are. i only did that bc it was a singel pack i put it with her applesauce singel packs so she could use it for lunches. sorry. she kinda got upset and i told her she wasnt perfect either. she said that she is tired of me lecturing her. the only time i lecture her is when the bills are due and she needs to get her check out with mine bc she doesnt have her name on the accts and therefore has to use a check when i do. she likes to be a little late and doesnt like me telling her to get it out with me on time. just little excentricties she doesnt like anymore
she could move out but with the apt situations i would be stuc with $730 a month for this on my own and i cant with out her. idk what to do. my mom said to not worrry bout her bc i will get help on the apts but idk if she understands that i have nothing available and i have none i can afford but i have to stay in this county bc of services and they cant transfer me out of the county. what is everyone thinking on this. i needed to vent bc its not fair to judge me when i have a disability i cant control and need help a little and not everything is my fault necessarily. lol but i cant deal with her sometimes. but i rely on her too idk what to do. i spent all day feeling like I just have an external locus of control and a sense of learned helplessness that all make for a bad adult experience. i have relied on everyone for not being able to drive and all and i cant live lavished and not alot of choices for me and etc etc. so i feel like the helplessness and dont know any other way but dont want to .
