Are these executive functioning problems?

[cherryq]

Ever since I've been little, my parents have been supportive of me. They remind me of things that I need to do, multiple times if necessary. It took a long time for them to start doing that, though, and they still get upset if I don't remember to do something. I used to have to sit and write sentences over and over about how I would listen and do what I was told to do as a kid. It would always be really upsetting to me because I never recalled being told to do the things I was writing sentences about.

But the fact of the matter is that now they remind me of things constantly. They understand that I need that external motivating factor repeatedly (almost continuously) to get things finished. To get things started even... When I was away from home for my undergrad, they'd call to remind me about stuff or text me to remind me. The problem with that is I don't remember to write that stuff down in a central location, so I still forget to do important things that really ought to be on my to-do list. Good thing is that I had a couple of friends who took over the in-person reminder role that my parents had, so I survived undergrad pretty well.

Now I am on my own though, and I'm realizing just how hard it is to live without a constant in-person reminder to do things. No one says, "It's time to eat." I am solely responsible for cleaning my apartment and making sure bills get paid. I have to use all of the focus in me to successfully cook a meal. I struggle to stay on task in the mornings while getting ready for work and end up leaving between fifteen any thirty minutes late. I pride myself on punctuality, so this last thing really bothers me... I'm really worried for when graduate classes and scholarship meetings start this fall. I'm already behind on that stuff (preparation stuff for grad school) and can't seem to even make a list of the things I need to do. I'm constantly distracted.

This seeming inability/constant struggle with organizing my life, keeping up with deadlines, making to do lists, etc., without external (in-person and continuous) motivation is really stressing me out. I just never realized how hard this was for me until I moved seven hours from home and am living by myself. Are these things associated with executive functioning/dysfunction? I've read through lists discussing ASD and the "executive functioning" struggles associated with it, and I can relate to many things listed. Just wondering if these are actually related... If so, do you have suggestions on how to overcome these issues? My second round of bills is coming up any my schedule will be completely changed (again) in three weeks. I'd really like to have some solid method of (at least attempting to) keeping my life in order by then, if possible. Thanks.

 

[Peeta]

I'm the exact opposite, I have to do chores first else I will worry i won't be able to finish them on time. But I have heard about other people on the spectrum with problems similar to yours.

Regarding your problem, any chance you're (heavily) into computers? Might be worth it to use an internal agenda and set it up with reminders. And copy it to your phone. Like iPads and Outlook have these functions. I find it easier to finish a task when it is something I can do with my computer. So keeping a schedule on my pc is easier than having a physical agenda or calender. Also the pop up right in your face is a better reminder, especially with an annoying sound, than something physical that can be hidden in a drawer.

 

[Skye81]

I can't really answer properly but can relate to lots of things you say and have only noticed in the last few months that I can get on better if I have help knowing what I'm doing and have to do. Just getting ready to go somewhere I need lists of the most obvious things. I put things on Lists that I doubt others would need to..! I will always forget to eat and only realise when I feel hungry. And I'm better off with a snack than having to do a proper meal. Dinner is always late as I forget to start on it at a good time. I am rubbish at sorting out bills, booking appointments, taking library books back.. everything is hard work and I always worry as I forget things when I want to be organised but I'm actually not. I don't actually like people reminding me of things though or telling me I need to do things. . So that does make it difficult!

 

[Beverly]

I've always struggled with that too cherryq Not so much when to eat because I do mind my diet carefully to avoid gaining too much weight but with other things. I find I procrastinate or flat out forget more with tasks I dislike or have an aversion to but, writing a list for the following day and putting it on the refrigerator door (using a magnet) helps keep me motivated to get done the mundane things I need to get done.

I'm bad about starting something then, spacing it out entirely. I will turn the sprinklers on for the garden, then forget about them until the middle of the night, or the next morning or, get the laundry washed, but forget I'm doing laundry before I get it in the dryer.

 

[Progster]

Organizing myself is not my strong point - I need external motivation, too, which I don't have so I don't get things done. Reminders can help to remember to do important or urgent things, but it doesn't work for chores as I have no motivation. I think that giving yourself a reward for doing them might work.

 

[Daniela]

I have this problem too, I dont know if its bad executive function thou :/ but one thing , the list is awsome and if its a list on the pc its even better. But I found that making a list and puting it on a place that I allways see helps a lot too. Also like Progster said, reward your self with stuff, when I had to do something that realy made me anxious I would say to my self " when you get home we will rewatch all of Naruto ! " Also. to make a list if you are too confused with many thigns on your head, stop everything you´re doing, sit and waith for a while, just be with your self for bit , then pick pen a start writhing. Best wishes You can do it !

 

[Judge]

I have a ritual that might sound silly to many people. I always make my bed every single day. It's symbolic of whatever discipline I have left even in the worst of times. A signal to remind me that I'm still in charge and haven't lost it.

I try to remain highly organized on every level...but sometimes I think old age is causing me to slip here and there....

 

[On the Inside]

Your plight is much like mine. I could get by alright on my own, but to anyone else, my life was chaos. I didn't have anyone who kept me on task until 12 years ago, when I met my partner. She is very organized and effective, this contrast has been a constant source of tension between us.

I can do the work assigned to me, but my methods are far more than unorthodox. Never could outline a plan, make lists, prioritize, or even get a handle on the scope of a project. Making plans, using a calendar to record events and appointments, all a problem. The one thing that I could track was earnings and expenditures.

Yes, this is executive function problems.

These problems were the main reason I haven't been able to finish a college degree, though I've tried three times. I have, luckily, gained practical problem solving skills and the ability to design and build things, so I've maintained employment, but I'm kind of stuck where I'm at careerwise because of my executive function problems.

It is more than procrastination, more than attention problems. I don't see how things relate to one another in order to effectively organize, plan and carry out things while attending to my human and personal needs. It results in a slapdash, tension filled life if I'm trying to do more than the basics of life and work.

I have spent years with therapists, counselors, life coaches, to try and do what "everyone else does" to be more effective, organized and punctual. Every one of them said what I have is executive function problems, and that was also highlighted in my Autism assessment.Each of them were able to nudge me along a little further, but the danger of backsliding is ever present.

While I am doing better at these things, it is still a problem, and one that I will take constant vigilance to keep myself from sinking back into the mess I'm struggling to get out of.

Good luck and recognize when and where your problems get worse, and see if there are resources at your school to help with organization.

 

[Daniela]

Guys do you mind if I translate this , so I can show this to my mom ? She allways thinks I´m super lazy when its not the case

 

[Beverly]

Go ahead with my post, I can't speak for others but share mine with her.

 

[cherryq]

I'm sorry for the long post here, but I want to respond to all of you...There is a lot of helpful information here for me and I feel like we can all understand each other in this. I think that's the thing that keeps me coming back to AC is that we can all help and understand what others are going through when no one else in our lives really do... (or very few in our lives really do...)

Peeta Yes, I am really into computers! I have tried to keep reminders on my computer/phone, but I have a hard time keeping it consistent and developing this into a habit. Also, I will often ignore the reminder and then forget that it reminded me, which tends to pose a problem.

Skye81 I agree that everything is hard work! I fell that I need an in-person reminder because I tend to overlook all other forms of prompting. I also forget about dinner until late, and then my entire routine for getting to bed at a decent hour is thrown off. Life certainly is difficult a lot of the time...

Beverly I will try making a list for the next day and keep it in a central location! Thank you for the advice! Also, spacing out while doing chores is a major obstacle for me! I'm especially horrible with finishing laundry and actually getting my dishes cleaned.

Progster I like the reward idea! Now to think of rewards that don't involve food so that I don't gain weight, lol.

Daniela Thank you for the advice about sitting down to write out my list(s)! And I am fine with you translating my post. I wish I could help my parents understand...They think that I am making problems up and just need to "try harder" and everything will be okay...

Judge I like the idea of keeping one thing consistent in the day!

On the Inside I am glad to know that this really is a thing and pertains to executive function. I can't afford to be officially assessed right now (or go to a psychologist at all), but have an unofficial diagnosis from a therapist at work. I think if I were to be assessed at some point, though, executive functioning would definitely come up!

Thank you everyone for the advice! I hope others will follow with other experiences, info, advice, etc!

 

[Beverly]

cherryq Laundry and dishes are my worst too, so don't feel bad, you aren't alone in never seeming to get those two done.