Any have trouble figuring out if someone meant to hurt your feelings or not??

[Arashi222]

Ok here's the thing. So I am part of a BJD doll community not just in real live but online on another forum. I have actually meet this person in person at a recent doll meet back on April 29th. I happened to have this person's grail doll. On said forum we often post pictures of our dolls. Now here is my issue. I have Asperger's and sometimes I don't get when people are intentionally hurting my feelings, or if I am just too sensitive.

Here's the situation. I posted pics a while back of my doll Thierry and his lover Damian. Now Damian is a stripper. The person from the meet in his comments about it wrote this:
Prepares for battle with Damian; you can't have Thierry, he's mine. Damian's a dirty little boy; he'll get distracted elsewhere some day.

Whether or not they fit in with the family, they're still photogenic in their own ways.

I don't know how to take this...I am a little hurt that he would call Damian dirty little boy.

But my question is if I am being to sensitive about it?
Should I tell him that it upset me?


Oh and quick note this person knows I have AS. He actually asked me that right away at the meet he noticed I was doing things that one of his friends does who also has AS. So I am just wondering its been bugging me. and I am kinda upset about what he said about my doll. I know I know its stupid but in my mind he's hurting my feelings. I just don't know if I have a reason to be upset or if I need to let it go.

 

[Bay]

I have the same problem, Arashi, and usually I will apologize and ask what the person meant. It is usually possible to make light of it, such as "oh, sorry, I'm feeling a little unfocused, what did you mean?". Or even more explicitly when necessary "I'm sorry but I don't understand what you are saying".

I think it sounds as though he may be teasing you a bit, but not necessarily in an aggressive way (hard to say without knowing him). I think that sometimes NT people tease thinking that it is a friendly thing to do, or when they are nervous. Saying that your doll is a dirty little boy has some weird undertones though. I don't know how you feel about this person, but do you have anything to lose by asking him what he meant?

 

[Arashi222]

I have the same problem, Arashi, and usually I will apologize and ask what the person meant. It is usually possible to make light of it, such as "oh, sorry, I'm feeling a little unfocused, what did you mean?". Or even more explicitly when necessary "I'm sorry but I don't understand what you are saying".

I think it sounds as though he may be teasing you a bit, but not necessarily in an aggressive way (hard to say without knowing him). I think that sometimes NT people tease thinking that it is a friendly thing to do, or when they are nervous. Saying that your doll is a dirty little boy has some weird undertones though. I don't know how you feel about this person, but do you have anything to lose by asking him what he meant?

Well I don't know him that well. I only just meet him at the meet. He is nice and all but he tends to over share his issues which is fine I know how to listen I mean I am a trained Social worker but i often feel as though I have to go into social worker mode to talk to him. But that is why I need help with this. I haven't gotten upset so that he can see it. But I didn't reply to his post in my thread for my boys because I am a bit uncertain as to if he is kidding and why he would say such a thing. I understand that Damian my character that he is referring to is a stripper by occupation in his story which he knows about. But it hurt my feelings and I don't know if I like he called him that. I know he likes the other dollie is a supposed to be Damian's lover and that's this guys grail doll. I get that but i am compeltely baffled by this comment and don't understand. Thanks for trying to help me. I don't know even if I should do anything or let it go or say something about the fact that I didn't get it.

 

[shinyedge]

It's hard enough to figure out if people are teasing when we talk to them in person. (I can't stand teasing.) An online forum makes it that much harder because we don't have any of the social cues that we couldn't have interpreted anyway. Even NTs can easily misconstrue well-intentioned written remarks in the absence of nonverbal cues. That is why emoticons were invented, so people could indicate that no offense is intended.

I think "dirty little boy" sounds like a playful thing to say, not mean. It sounds like he is playing along with the fantasy that the doll is a stripper. I would give him the benefit of the doubt.

If you can't do that, I think you could tell him outright that you don't understand his comment; since he knows you are on the spectrum you could frame it in the context that it is your AS that makes it hard to understand what he meant.

By the way, I love the doll photo in your profile picture. I assume you took it yourself. It is beautifully done.

 

[Arashi222]

It's hard enough to figure out if people are teasing when we talk to them in person. (I can't stand teasing.) An online forum makes it that much harder because we don't have any of the social cues that we couldn't have interpreted anyway. Even NTs can easily misconstrue well-intentioned written remarks in the absence of nonverbal cues. That is why emoticons were invented, so people could indicate that no offense is intended.

I think "dirty little boy" sounds like a playful thing to say, not mean. It sounds like he is playing along with the fantasy that the doll is a stripper. I would give him the benefit of the doubt.

If you can't do that, I think you could tell him outright that you don't understand his comment; since he knows you are on the spectrum you could frame it in the context that it is your AS that makes it hard to understand what he meant.

By the way, I love the doll photo in your profile picture. I assume you took it yourself. It is beautifully done.

I am a little unsure how to approach him. I don't understand and Like you said he knows I am on the spectrum but even my closer friends think the comment was in bad taste. I don't mind teasing if its from people that I know really really well. Like you said emoticons are great if you are at all unsure of how something is supposed to be taken. Its hard enough for me to figure stuff out with people I know well and in person like you said. But this comment has me really upset. I am still ruminating on it. its condescending and a bit rude. My doll Damian while a stripper by profession is quite a gentle soul. He would never leave or cheat on his lover which is another of my dolls. The other thing is too that he knows that Damian hates being called such names and I don't like it either. Ones profession does not make one "dirty". I don't know thanks for the thoughts though. I will keep pondering.

Thanks by the way on the compliment on my pic. I did take it on my own. I love taking photos of my dolls. It makes me happy. As well as going to dollie meets. I have lots of dollie pics in my albums on here.