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Advice for a mother of Aspie

Louise

New Member
Hi
My son is 22 and was diagnosed 12 months ago. He really struggles with socialising but does force himself to talk to people. He volunteers as a scout/cub leader & also volunteers pastoral care with the Christian nightlife initiative. He is very lonely & would love a girlfriend but just doesn't seem to connect with people. He doesn't drink so clubs & pubs don't appeal. I've suggested online dating, any thoughts would be great guys?
 
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Food can be a good way to connect with others. Cooking and bringing great food to perhaps a vegetarian or some other theme of a potluck food group is a fairly quietish way to socialize. And women who like guys do like guys who can cook.
(I am running late getting dinner, so if my suggestion is really bad please excuse me, I'm just really hungry.)
 
Food can be a good way to connect with others. Cooking and bringing great food to perhaps a vegetarian or some other theme of a potluck food group is a fairly quietish way to socialize. And women who like guys do like guys who can cook.
(I am running late getting dinner, so if my suggestion is really bad please excuse me, I'm just really hungry.)
Hi Kay
I've tried to teach him to cook but to no avail. He 'forgets' to eat when I'm not here! He says it's just not important to him
 
Hi Kay
I've tried to teach him to cook but to no avail. He 'forgets' to eat when I'm not here! He says it's just not important to him

If you forget to eat then I can't imagine a potluck being of much interest. Let me think a bit more, hmmm....Bible study? Bookclub? Socrates Cafe?- if there is one available. None of those are things that work for me but I know a lot of people who really enjoy those things.

Church single groups work for a lot of people. My parents actually met at one in the early 70's. An atheist couple I know somehow met at a Methodist church's single group and are still together.

Ok, what worked for me- hiking. I went hiking with this Meetup group I had joined and met a guy who makes the best meatpies. That's why I think food when I think dating. Oh, and Meetup sometimes has good places to meet people. Don't know here your son is but there tends to be Meetup everywhere. Some good groups, some bad.
 
Hi Kay
I've tried to teach him to cook but to no avail. He 'forgets' to eat when I'm not here! He says it's just not important to him

Cooking held no interest for me either at that age. Hungry or not. The only incentive for me to change in that respect was when I moved away from home into my own place. But still came home on the weekends to have a nice meal and do my laundry.
 
Hi Wittyaspie
He has one friend who had moved away & lives with girlfriend. He has a woman friend (platonic) that he sees sometimes, mainly at volunteer group.
He is also in denial about his Aspergers

He will likely be unsuccessful in developing a deep, lasting relationship with anyone until he accepts who he is. It took me quite awhile to fully accept that I have AS, so I understand the desire to deny it. But only by accepting his true self will he be able to overcome the difficulties that Aspies have in developing friendships.
 
Likely only by chance or fate or luck that he should find one to connect with. Some of us are so far removed from commonality that few others exist that should know us. It is much more likely however if he puts himself into a position to meet others than to stay isolated. Also working on himself would go a long way to improving the projection he gives. I too was in denial but one who knew me began leaving books and articles around about Aspergers, after surprising me with asking me to take a test, and I started reading just out of curiosity.
Good Luck Mom
 

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