Advice? Dealing with a weird co-worker

[Robby]

So I kind of feel like I'm being picked on/bullied at work by one particular person. I have worked for the last year in a law firm as a clerk and am pretty good at my job and get along with all my co-workers. This older guy (40ish) paralegal has been there almost as long and mostly I haven't had a problem with him he's very odd, clearly isn't playing with a full deck. He tends to say very inappropriate stuff but nobody at work seems bothered by it maybe they just put it down to him being "eccentric". He's very unusual. He has spent days in his office and not talked to anyone yet other days seems manically happy and not in control of himself. He has been seen on numerous occasions in the past zonked out in his office, and seems to be on some pretty heavy meds. He's just very odd. He walks around constantly taking this partial dental plate in and out of his mouth to talk, with his bare hands (which he doesn't wash). Nobody seems phased by him. I wasn't either, until the last week or so, I don't know why all of a sudden he's started to be really nasty towards me, he gives me these dirty looks when I am in the same room as him, and he is starting to make nasty snide comments directed at me sometimes in front of co-workers..Like he'll say, "there's (my name), he's like Helen Keller and we all have to be Annie Sullivan for him". Or, he'll say, "who raised you, where are your manners" when everyone there knows perfectly well I am very good-mannered and always open doors for people and try to help anyone I can..I have dealt with a lot of crap in my life, from bullies in high school to having to deal with family members when I came out to them, and I love working where I work, but this one guy is making things really weird for me now.

Today, myself and a co-worker were entering a room and he happened to be there holding a door, and he said "not for you" directed at me. He has this thing too where if he's bantering with people he'll say "I will cut you"....I heard him say that awhile back to co workers he was bantering with, and he said it to me a few months back more than once..Jokingly probably, but still...From a 40 year old man it came off weird and creepy and very uncomfortable.I mean he's probably just on some sort of a sick bantering phase lately, given his odd personality, but I'm beginning to feel slightly bullied and it's making me have flashbacks to high school when I was severely bullied. I think he is either bipolar or has some major personality issue.

Issue is, I'm only part time here, and so I don't want to rock any boat, it's hard for me to get a job and I want to keep this one. And I have gotten along so well with all my co-workers. Everyone knows this guy is weird and creepy, but most seem to just ignore him or not be bothered. I try and avoid him but you know how it is in a small office. And lately he seems to just randomly say dumb **** to me even if I am totally minding my own business. What should I do? I could tell my boss I guess, and tell her I don't want to rock the boat, but just to let her know that he makes me uncomfortable? But given that the guy seems to be not all there mentally, what if he made up something about me? So for now, do I just deal with his nasty mouth? My co-worker said he was probably just feeling bad about himself and insecure so he looks to put down someone he thinks is good looking. Just not sure what to do. There's nothing physical at all, or anything like that. Maybe it's all banter, but words still hurt. I told him once, and asked why he was being mean, he simply said "why not"? Sorry but being mentally ill does not give one the right to be a jerk. Advice?

 

[Questella]

This is insane, nobody should be acting like this in a workplace.

I don't know what to say, you could try going to management and say he is being rude and straight demoralizing to you, but that could also backfire if he is singling you out and nobody else is bothered by him...

That Helen Keller comment he deserves to be punched in the mouth imo. Who the hell says **** like that for real?

 

[Keigan]

Talk to HR.

 

[Joel's Hear]

Sounds like a freak to me. And a predator. Your job is not worth what he is doing. I would mention it to the boss, low-key like, and see what happens. They might not side with you. I'm not an NT hater, but it seems like your NT coworkers conveniently ignore this guys literal attacks of you, for two reasons: 1. They are scared of him. 2. They are selfish, it's not them being harassed.

I believe the reason he uses to justify his attacks on you (and maybe another reason your coworkers are real slow to defend you) is because you are a gay male. I'm sorry this happened. Another possibility, and one I've personally dealt with many times, is a strong dislike from freaks of the beauty of someone on the spectrum. An autistic's mind is not of this flawed world. Even if you haven't told anyone that you're on the spectrum, he knows.

 

[Acorn_Elf]

He sounds like a creepy sociopath and sees you as an easy target. You should report him or maybe record some of the weird things he says.

 

[Streetwise]

Could be uncontrolled schizophrenia or really bad insomnia lack of sleep can make humans violent
people working in law are very stressed these are facts !
In the UK solicitors have the top highest suicide rate with doctors
my mam was a solicitor and she was ostracised for a health condition and her physiognomy

 

[Streetwise]

Could be uncontrolled schizophrenia or really bad insomnia lack of sleep can make humans violent
people working in law are very stressed these are facts !
In the UK solicitors have the top highest suicide rate with doctors
my mam was a solicitor and she was ostracised for a health condition and her physiognomy

Could be

So I kind of feel like I'm being picked on/bullied at work by one particular person. I have worked for the last year in a law firm as a clerk and am pretty good at my job and get along with all my co-workers. This older guy (40ish) paralegal has been there almost as long and mostly I haven't had a problem with him he's very odd, clearly isn't playing with a full deck. He tends to say very inappropriate stuff but nobody at work seems bothered by it maybe they just put it down to him being "eccentric". He's very unusual. He has spent days in his office and not talked to anyone yet other days seems manically happy and not in control of himself. He has been seen on numerous occasions in the past zonked out in his office, and seems to be on some pretty heavy meds. He's just very odd. He walks around constantly taking this partial dental plate in and out of his mouth to talk, with his bare hands (which he doesn't wash). Nobody seems phased by him. I wasn't either, until the last week or so, I don't know why all of a sudden he's started to be really nasty towards me, he gives me these dirty looks when I am in the same room as him, and he is starting to make nasty snide comments directed at me sometimes in front of co-workers..Like he'll say, "there's (my name), he's like Helen Keller and we all have to be Annie Sullivan for him". Or, he'll say, "who raised you, where are your manners" when everyone there knows perfectly well I am very good-mannered and always open doors for people and try to help anyone I can..I have dealt with a lot of crap in my life, from bullies in high school to having to deal with family members when I came out to them, and I love working where I work, but this one guy is making things really weird for me now.

Today, myself and a co-worker were entering a room and he happened to be there holding a door, and he said "not for you" directed at me. He has this thing too where if he's bantering with people he'll say "I will cut you"....I heard him say that awhile back to co workers he was bantering with, and he said it to me a few months back more than once..Jokingly probably, but still...From a 40 year old man it came off weird and creepy and very uncomfortable.I mean he's probably just on some sort of a sick bantering phase lately, given his odd personality, but I'm beginning to feel slightly bullied and it's making me have flashbacks to high school when I was severely bullied. I think he is either bipolar or has some major personality issue.

Issue is, I'm only part time here, and so I don't want to rock any boat, it's hard for me to get a job and I want to keep this one. And I have gotten along so well with all my co-workers. Everyone knows this guy is weird and creepy, but most seem to just ignore him or not be bothered. I try and avoid him but you know how it is in a small office. And lately he seems to just randomly say dumb **** to me even if I am totally minding my own business. What should I do? I could tell my boss I guess, and tell her I don't want to rock the boat, but just to let her know that he makes me uncomfortable? But given that the guy seems to be not all there mentally, what if he made up something about me? So for now, do I just deal with his nasty mouth? My co-worker said he was probably just feeling bad about himself and insecure so he looks to put down someone he thinks is good looking. Just not sure what to do. There's nothing physical at all, or anything like that. Maybe it's all banter, but words still hurt. I told him once, and asked why he was being mean, he simply said "why not"? Sorry but being mentally ill does not give one the right to be a jerk. Advice?

could be the period before dementia
problem is if he started slightly before you or has a more powerful position you could be stuffed
my mam wasnt a partner so no leverage it did her stress no good

 

[WereBear]

Write down all the things he said, where and when if possible, and submit a copy to your own supervisor. The first thing you need to do with any kind of job harassment (and this qualifies) is document what it is and how it affects your ability to do your job.

 

[Acorn_Elf]

It's sounds like he might be a functioning meth addict. The random bouts of energy, taking his teeth in and out constantly. Meth use can cause psychosis as well.

 

[Streetwise]

another thing be calmly cold obviously he knows you react perceive differently, lawyers can be extremely arrogant, in the UK they are a separate job and title and used to only be from very wealthy families probably has a position of power,he an arsehole - just remembered alcoholics can be like that common in the law business as in acting to medicate with

Sounds like a freak to me. And a predator. Your job is not worth what he is doing. I would mention it to the boss, low-key like, and see what happens. They might not side with you. I'm not an NT hater, but it seems like your NT coworkers conveniently ignore this guys literal attacks of you, for two reasons: 1. They are scared of him. 2. They are selfish, it's not them being harassed.

I believe the reason he uses to justify his attacks on you (and maybe another reason your coworkers are real slow to defend you) is because you are a gay male. I'm sorry this happened. Another possibility, and one I've personally dealt with many times, is a strong dislike from freaks of the beauty of someone on the spectrum. An autistic's mind is not of this flawed world. Even if you haven't told anyone that you're on the spectrum, he knows.

 

[Robby]

I'm not sure what to do. He's full time paralegal with the firm and I am only a part time file clerk, kind of afraid my boss might use me coming to her as an excuse to let me go since I am the part-timer. I'm not sure how the guy interacts with others or if he says really inappropriate things to them too, I think most everyone knows he's not all there, anyone who meets him within 2 minutes would figure that out. He looks atrocious and very unkept like he has serious bodily issues as well as mental. I guess he manages to do his job well, not sure. My boss probably knows he has issues, but even if I am part time, I shouldn't have to be creeped out and worried about what he will say next to me..He seems to be pretty tight with the ladies in records that he works with, but doubt he has talked to them like he did me. Dunno..And he was civil to me for about a year before very recently when he started being a complete jerk to me.

My thought is to go to my boss really low-key and just tell her some of the things he's said to me lately and that he is creeping me out and that I don't want to go to the parts of the office he is near so as to avoid him, which affects my job. Also the things he has said to me affect my mindset. The kicker is that this guy is gay too, so its not some homophobic thing. Maybe he has some warped crush on me and is just ****ing with me I don't know.

I think I could at least tell my boss, and tell her that I can handle things so long as he doesn't single me out anymore with the snide comments. What would she do?? Would she call him in and tell him to not make comments directed at people? Without naming me? Maybe she could tell him not to do that anymore, and that would be that..I don't know how she feels about him, but he is a paralegal in the firm and a full time employee and he seems to act like he is not afraid of anything and just has tourettes of the mouth and in the process is making me highly uncomfortable and worried. Even if he's just kidding, I don't like it. He needs to keep me out of his damn mouth.

 

[Judge]

Over the years in working in an office I have discovered that some people maintain a sort of "caste" mentality.

Usually people not towards the top of the office hierarchy, but those in the middle who choose to prey upon those at the bottom. I suppose it makes them feel superior somehow, especially if they are routinely treated badly by those above them.

Sad, but it happens. In the case of paralegals I've heard of some who grow to resent attorneys who get the lions' share of credit while the paralegals execute all the legal due diligence, and thankless "grunt work".

Not surprising in working in insurance over the years, we found that the most employee strife that was litigated over, came from workers in legal firms. Apparently not the happiest of office environments.

 

[Robby]

Maybe it's some power trip..But he hasn't to my knowledge picked on the legal runners (who are lower down than me as a file clerk), or other file clerks. So why me? Maybe I was too nice to him so he thinks he can just say anything to me and I won't do anything? I mean, I don't care as long as he stops making nasty remarks to me in front of people I am not going to be dehumanized. He needs to spend more time worrying about his nasty appearance and fix his teeth and leave me alone.

 

[Judge]

I went through something similar for about four years with a supervisor in another department. Never understood why he took such a distinct dislike towards me. He was eventually fired. Later someone confided to me he hated me because of my race and where I lived. Baffles me to this day.

However because I did my job and did it well, he couldn't really get me in any kind of trouble. He just remained inherently hostile whenever our paths crossed work-wise. Not pleasant, but he wasn't a real threat.

 

[Streetwise]

people DONT like different my mother was slim and lets say very feminine in her physiognomy so the female office manager was domineering
but my mother had spirit remember n.t's dislike autistic rigidity and if you DONT act like a chauvinist they'll pick on that they also DONT like change they may view you as a threat

 

[Joel's Hear]

I'm not sure what to do. He's full time paralegal with the firm and I am only a part time file clerk, kind of afraid my boss might use me coming to her as an excuse to let me go since I am the part-timer. I'm not sure how the guy interacts with others or if he says really inappropriate things to them too, I think most everyone knows he's not all there, anyone who meets him within 2 minutes would figure that out. He looks atrocious and very unkept like he has serious bodily issues as well as mental. I guess he manages to do his job well, not sure. My boss probably knows he has issues, but even if I am part time, I shouldn't have to be creeped out and worried about what he will say next to me..He seems to be pretty tight with the ladies in records that he works with, but doubt he has talked to them like he did me. Dunno..And he was civil to me for about a year before very recently when he started being a complete jerk to me.

My thought is to go to my boss really low-key and just tell her some of the things he's said to me lately and that he is creeping me out and that I don't want to go to the parts of the office he is near so as to avoid him, which affects my job. Also the things he has said to me affect my mindset. The kicker is that this guy is gay too, so its not some homophobic thing. Maybe he has some warped crush on me and is just ****ing with me I don't know.

I think I could at least tell my boss, and tell her that I can handle things so long as he doesn't single me out anymore with the snide comments. What would she do?? Would she call him in and tell him to not make comments directed at people? Without naming me? Maybe she could tell him not to do that anymore, and that would be that..I don't know how she feels about him, but he is a paralegal in the firm and a full time employee and he seems to act like he is not afraid of anything and just has tourettes of the mouth and in the process is making me highly uncomfortable and worried. Even if he's just kidding, I don't like it. He needs to keep me out of his damn mouth.

Yes, Robby, it certainly does sound like some sort of warped crush situation could be involved. It doesn't sound anything like real love, though, but possibly simply a desire to dominate. I've been in situations like this before: even though I'm not gay sometimes people will assume I am because I'm different. I didn't constantly boast about how I wasn't gay or rail on about female sexual conquests like NT males often feel the need to do in the workplace. I believe it comes from some sort of skewed herd mentality... Keep your head up

 

[Streetwise]

IM always sad when associatecwith human herd animals are much more noble than humans
herd animals DONT start world wars or commit genocide or poison rivers

Yes, Robby, it certainly does sound like some sort of warped crush situation could be involved. It doesn't sound anything like real love, though, but possibly simply a desire to dominate. I've been in situations like this before: even though I'm not gay sometimes people will assume I am because I'm different. I didn't constantly boast about how I wasn't gay or rail on about female sexual conquests like NT males often feel the need to do in the workplace. I believe it comes from some sort of skewed herd mentality... Keep your head up

 

[Robby]

I badly need this job and have been here a year. Do I try to ignore him and put it down to his being kooky and crazy or tell my boss? The guy has been here almost a year too, and for most of that time, was civil to me. No idea why he suddenly started with the nasty comments. I treat everyone at work well and respectfully. I do my job. I don't bother anyone. I really think I'd be right in at least discretely telling my boss, I mean, surely she might at least tell him that he can't make nasty comments to people even if he's just kidding? Like I said financially things are very very tight now and I can't afford to not have this job. If he would just keep his mouth shut and treat me respectfully, then fine. But I am a human being and not going to tolerate someone's warped comments even if they are in jest.The guy has major problems I think he's either bipolar, autistic, or shchitzo or all of the above. But an employee should not be made to feel weirded out by somebody else.

 

[Joel's Hear]

IM always sad when associatecwith human herd animals are much more noble than humans
herd animals DONT start world wars or commit genocide or poison rivers

You are very right there, Streetwise, herd animals are some of the most noble creatures that exist. I particularly like cows, having given almost their entire lives for a usually undeserving humanity. Maybe school mentality is better? As in schooling fish. (I like fish, too, but not as much as cows. I think a lot of the following mentality of the world is cemented in people's brains in schools. I hated my schooling and I hate schools, too. How many cats you got, Streetwise? My mom( when she was alive had four: Herbie, Toby, the gray cat, and Frankie (everyone always called the gray cat the gray cat but her real name was Ana) No one usually called Toby by his name either referring to him as the fat brown cat. Nobody disliked the cats, and they actually seemed to like being called their descriptive names better

 

[Streetwise]

You are very right there, Streetwise, herd animals are some of the most noble creatures that exist. I particularly like cows, having given almost their entire lives for a usually undeserving humanity. Maybe school mentality is better? As in schooling fish. (I like fish, too, but not as much as cows. I think a lot of the following mentality of the world is cemented in people's brains in schools. I hated my schooling and I hate schools, too. How many cats you got, Streetwise? My mom( when she was alive had four: Herbie, Toby, the gray cat, and Frankie (everyone always called the gray cat the gray cat but her real name was Ana) No one usually called Toby by his name either referring to him as the fat brown cat. Nobody disliked the cats, and they actually seemed to like being called their descriptive names better

thats another point with me i try not own animals it so easy to abuse if you do
three cats that lived 7 or 8 doors up from me in a almost terraced street decided to live in the house with me think the people in the other house adopted two kittens cats do not like change
so as i put out food for a stray cat and i DIDNT frighten them they decided one day to live in the house
then there is what i call casanova or wooden as he walks like he has a wooden rod up his spine
he just thinks about female cats and i see him when HES hungry or when HES physically exhausted like a young selfish man
the cat in the avatar is phoebe she is the smallest cat IVE seen ever.
then theres gizmo HES her son longer but not much bigger HES mean if you touch the area where his spine meets his tail
then what i call the American sized cat socks black apart from his chest abdomen and a paint stripe from the left side of jaw to his ear he is a nervous wreck people terrify him