Accepting Criticism

[Amina]

I have a really hard time accepting criticism. I get really attached to my work and I have a certain way of doing things I know is right and when someone comes in and breaks my pattern of doing things I am way thrown off schedule and it's hard to cope or get back to what I am doing. Does anyone know any good tips on how to accept criticism or know what I am talking about? :unsure:

 

[King_Oni]

I have a similar problem in the sense that I?ll do things my way and cannot deal with someone imposing his/her way upon me.

I don't know where exactly you're having these issues. If it's at your job you might consider talking to your supervisor and see if there's a reason why it has to be the way they want you to do it in a certain way.

I sometimes feel that accepting criticism comes with understanding why something is the way it is.

 

[Spinning Compass]

I used to have a hard time accepting criticism and even now it isn't easy. It makes it worse when it appears that I am being singled out or micromanaged while others get away with far worse. I never was allowed to defend myself from unfair criticism--if it was directed at me, by definition then it was fair criticism. I really think that is the hardest, to be scolded or disciplined for small matters so that one must always be on guard. People say I am too hard on myself. They don't stop to think where that hardness came from and why. I am hard on myself because if I am not, someone else will be and at least if it is me, I have control over the situation.

How I learned to accept criticism. I had to learn to put my ego aside. I had to learn humility and that is not easy. I had to learn to let things go. I have found the Buddhist concept of non-attachment to be very helpful in that regard. And maybe it's because I just don't care anymore and I'm tired of fighting so I just give in and let others have their way.

 

[Galaxy Freeze]

Oh yes, I don't really know how to cope with it, but I do know what you're talking about. For me, it doesn't even matter whether I know the person or not. Whether it's a friend, my art teacher, etc. I do try to keep my anger inside though, and just smile and nod and say "Okay. I'll keep that in mind." I really wish I didn't experience so much inner rage when someone nitpicks on me though.

 

[Ste11aeres]

This does seem to be a common difficulty for Aspies.
I don't have any amazing tips except to cultivate the habit of gritting one's teeth and avoiding verbal come-backs.
I found the following interesting article which relates to this topic.
#Aspergers & Interaction: Being Right, part 1

 

[Peace]

They are not really criticizing you, but more pointing out the differences between how you did it and how they would do it.

 

[Sparticus]

Accepting criticism can be difficult for me. Especially if I'm not expecting it and it's someone I'm happy to see. But if it's my close friend I tend to accept it as advice though it still hurts. What helped me and I still need to work on this is reading positive motivational quotes/stories, how to get along with difficult people books, books about working better & trying to get feedback from a trusted person/mentor. I must of asked for feedback 3xs more than most. Someone once told me to keep "talking out" a problem till it was solved. Good luck!

 

[paloftoon]

If someone is a real friend, then I know that they care about me. So whether their criticism is a good one or not, it would personally not bother me as much because I know that they mean well and are looking out for my well-being, not just saying something that is that individual's preference. People are way too judgmental all the time, NT or not.

 

[Yumeko-chan]

I've never been one to take criticism well. It always feels like they're judging me as a human being.

 

[Perry Holia Kerrith]

I can deal with criticism, it's just... I tend to take it too personally. Even knowing that, I can't stop it from happening. So I wind up not liking authority figures too much.

... Unless they appreciate pretty much everything I do. Not the best disposition for the work force, but I'm working on it.

 

[Christian T]

Too often I've felt embarrassed at receiving criticism - embarrassed that someone else has outdone me in terms of knowledge on a particular subject. I suppose no one really likes having their faults pointed out, and it's criticism levelled at NTs as well that they get angry when an Aspie simply points out a mistake of theirs - say, that Frankenstein is a doctor, not monster.
Sometimes people point out my faults as though they have none of their own, and when they can't listen to me when I point their faults out, that is when I struggle to accept criticism from them - when they can "dish it out, but can't take it"

I just find that I get jealous of people who excel in areas that I personally am interested in and receive praise in. It's a terrible habit, I know, and it's slowly disappearing. It's especially embarrassing when people can observe these shameful feelings from the passive actions of my facial expressions. Why is is that they can read jealous perfectly well of my face, but often not the emotions that I want them to see?:stomp:

 

[shinyedge]

I don't have as much trouble with criticism as I do with wondering if someone will criticize something I have done. I always expect the worst, especially if I don't get feedback right away. Most of the time, any actual criticism isn't as bad as what I anticipated. But if they don't like my work I don't take that so well.

 

[Val2]

I'm sorry I can't be of much help. I also struggle with criticism. I think it's because I'm insecure and sometimes it's because I actually know I'm the one that's correct and that person is incorrect. I can remember occasions where I was blatantly in the right and they were wrong but they don't admit to it. Makes me upset. Eventually I forget and move on though.

 

[Mellotron]

I'm not good at receiving criticism. I mean if it is the helpful constructive kind I can try to manage to make it work for me, but if it is just to point out errors I really don't deal with it too well. At my last job I rarely ever received any kind of feedback one way or the other but suddenly I would be told "hey you aren't doing that the way we want" and that would really piss me off. Why not just tell me at the beginning what you want rather than have me go on 2 years doing something and then say it isn't right. Thats the kind of criticism I don't like. But if I'm doing something and someone says "hey you know you could do it this other way faster and more efficiently" then I'll be more accepting, depending on their tone and I guess who they are.

 

[Meistersinger]

I have no problem with criticism, as long as it is constructive. As long as you tell me why you don't like it, in a nice way, and what I could do to make it better, I won't have a problem. We can agree to disagree, can't we?

 

[Sparticus]

I hate critism especially when done by an uncaring person. The last person who did that to me was left in the Makong Delta...uhm...well, ah
it's not my fault but I think a flame thrower was used...

 

[Judge]

Not very good with criticism in general. Guilty as charged. A true Aspie trait?

 

[Blade_Runner]

I'm dreadful at accepting criticism, specifically from my parents (yup, I'm still living at home). There is this tendency to immediately go into self-defence mode which can be in the form of arguing or making up a hundred and one excuses. A solution we have come up with is "processing time" where they send me away for about 10 minutes until I have processed and thought about the criticism. It does take me a while to stop seeing red, calm down and stop feeling threatened. Then suddenly, within the 10 minutes the penny drops and I realise that they aren't out to bring me down or destroy me! They're trying to help me. This is all better said than done and I still have to master the art of not going straight into attack mode when they've said something.

 

[MoCoffee]

I absolutely agree with this sentiment! When someone criticizes me, I start to hyperventilate, my voice goes high and breathless, and I shake. Whether or not I deserve this criticism makes no difference at all.

I've never been one to take criticism well. It always feels like they're judging me as a human being.

 

[Kadevilbig]

I think just about everyone hates criticism I know I do. But the important thing to remember is criticism is way to point out our mistakes so we can learn a grow for them. When people criticize me in the moment I normally am frustrated and have a face that's been described as a mix between screw you and your right I don't always acknowledge it In the moment but later I try and take there criticism to heart and learn from my mistakes and my boss says that even know in the moment your a little standoffish and frustrated you took what I said and learned form it that's all anyone can ask.