A brief definition of Asperger's and/or Austism

[Sherlock77]

I have been sparingly sharing my Asperger's self diagnosis with certain people I know, people I think I can trust, and this is quite recent for me, the last two months or so.

Anyway... Talking with an artist friend at a flea market a couple of weeks ago, the way the conversation was heading I felt I could tell him, but then stumbled over how to describe it briefly, since I'm so new to it... I would love to have something concise to say...

Does anyone have any ideas?

 

[Gracey]

Does he need to know?
Would he be tripping over himself and reacting differently trying to be mindful of your revelation and not wanting to offend you?
Is the relationship going okay between you as it stands?

If it's really important to you Sherlock, maybe tell him what you're telling us?
You suspect you maybe on the spectrum?

 

[Sherlock77]

Once again I trust him, I just feel that it helps to explain the quirks people I have seen in me, Paul who I was talking to has a few quirks of his own and I would describe him as a little eccentric

Any definition I've seen is rather complex to quickly describe, I'd love to somehow boil it down a sentence or two, or something like that.

 

[Streetwise]

aspergers syndrome (the syndrome bit means doctors don't know why but would'nt admit it) is a very mild form of autism

Once again I trust him, I just feel that it helps to explain the quirks people I have seen in me, Paul who I was talking to has a few quirks of his own and I would describe him as a little eccentric

Any definition I've seen is rather complex to quickly describe, I'd love to somehow boil it down a sentence or two, or something like that.[

 

[Streetwise]

it does not mean i'm a genius (savant)

I have been sparingly sharing my Asperger's self diagnosis with certain people I know, people I think I can trust, and this is quite recent for me, the last two months or so.

Anyway... Talking with an artist friend at a flea market a couple of weeks ago, the way the conversation was heading I felt I could tell him, but then stumbled over how to describe it briefly, since I'm so new to it... I would love to have something concise to say...

Does anyone have any ideas?

 

[SusanLR]

If you feel someone really needs to know, personally I would also just tell them you have Aspergers which is a mild type of autism. Then leave it up to them.
If they want to understand or know more, let them ask the questions and answer them honestly.

This worked very well with my friend I moved in with when I lost my parents. When I got my diagnosis he had not even heard of the word. Then little by little he was curious and wanted to know about it and it's traits. It has really helped our relationship to let him take the initiative in wanting to learn about it and understanding when I am struggling instead of just not understanding me, getting angry because of it and I was just shutting down when feeling insulted at remarks about my quirky ways.

 

[Suzanne]

I always made the error of compensating for people's lack of knowledge and assuming that they had not even heard of aspergers ( not a completely wrong assumption) and so, because I felt so disarmed talking to that person, I would end up saying that I have aspergers and of course, get a look of: what? I would stumble on and say, it is on the autism spectrum and immediately get an incredulous look. Sorry, but you do not look autistic! We all suffer from that from time to time, but doesn't make us autistic and get this sort of derisive laugh.

It is getting better, because just a few have got to know me and just recently, someone introduced me to another female aspie and said: Suzanne has aspergers too. I still had this awful desire to correct her and say: well, I am not actually diagnosed yet. But I refrained.

I just say now that I have aspergers and if they want to know more, I will just say that our brains are wired differently. I do find that if I refrain from saying autism people are more likely to listen and even sympathise with you.

I know there is a incredable urge to tell people, in order to explain our oddities; to make us feel that we are not mad people.

 

[Mr Allen]

Sorry to be so blunt, but if you reveal your Asperger's, and then he finishes with you, he was never "the one" anyway IMO, "the one" would understand and support you.

 

[Sherlock77]

Off to work now...

 

[Chance]

I think I get you Sherlock... In some deep needing way (if only for my own peace of mind) I often have this need, desire, want, (I don't know what it is) to just tell someone...

Its sort of like I have to hide it, I am forced to hide it, I am expected to live a lie to make others comfortable. I just get tired of it. I have said this before, I think it would be 1000x easier for me to just come out and say "I'm gay" then try to explain Autism to them. To just come out and say "I am your worst autistic nightmare..." I want so badly to say this sometimes. I don't want their pity, or a pat on the freaking back, I just want them to understand me...Understand the REAL me, the guy who would give his life in an instant to save a stranger, if that was to be what is required. I know I would, and maybe I see a world who won't even give people a chance, or a second glance, and it kills me inside.

So like you... When I do finally feel I am in safe company, I feel this need to be known as ME... Not the expected me, the real me that can say something stupid and the other person just laughs and slaps me on the back of the head. I don't have that... Its not about romance or out witting people, its just being who we are, and someone not instantly finding some issue with something.

People don't understand me anyway... Sometimes I think if they just "knew" at least they would have a way to go and learn, or find out why I am so freaking weird sometimes...

Its like I live with this invisible wall between me and everyone around me, and on my side of that wall no one is allowed to know who I am. I am only allowed to project (to the best of my ability) who they expect me to be... and often I suck at it. It hurts and it embarrasses me, and they walk off scratching their heads wondering what is wrong with that guy??? Or at least that is how I feel inside. It hurts so bad and I get so angry at myself over it and depressed and it just gets dark. All I want is to fit my weird ass in somewhere and be understood.I live my life trying to do this for others, but it seems that has always been too much to ask of this life.

This may be nothing like what you feel... and even if it is... I obviously don't have the answer.

I may be off in left field chasing rabbits instead of the ball, but thats nothing new either...

Have a good day at work you crime solver you... : )

 

[Rich Gray]

Just telling people that you have Asperger’s Syndrome can be an odd thing. Normally less educated folks think it means that I am less intelligent than I am, and more educated folks think that it means that I am more intelligent than I am. Both can be bad.

Normally I try to explain that:
[1] I have an unconscious ability to more-or-less blend in as neurotypical. This ability takes energy, and can become compromised if stressed or tired.
[2] I think in extreme logic, and the perception of my thought processes can seem alien to those who think using extreme emotion.
[3] I think of many possibilities, and can not help it. This does not mean that I think that they are likely, or that I am disproportionately concerned by them. Hearing my direct, unfiltered train of thought can be disconcerting.
[4] I display body-language that can be misinterpreted as devious intent, especially by those who navigate social situations primarily via reading body language.

 

[Katleya]

I'm not sure if I would first state my diagnosis, and then explain what it means, or the other way around.
I think that maybe starting with a quick discussion to assess if/what they know about Asperger's and autism could probably help you figure out whether it is a good idea to share the diagnosis, but you didn't really ask if, you asked how.
This reminds me of advice I was given by a career coach on figuring out, and practicing, what they called the "elevator pitch": a short introduction that makes want people know more about you and carries a positive message along with useful information. I would try to craft the same for AS. My autism elevator pitch would state it's a neurodevelopmental thing*, not mental illness, and then I'd just say it means it can manifest in little ways or in bigger ways, give me a different perspective on many aspects of life or different needs, and create some particular challenges as well some unique qualities.

*I used thing because I don't believe in the word "disorder" as applied to us. Some of the manifestations might be disruptive, but deep down, they're only disruptive to, or very often because of, other people. It does come with certain heavy challenges, but they wouldn't be challenges in a world that accepts more diversity. I'm only labeled disordered or broken by the people who belong in the norm. Not my fault if they suffer from neurotypical personality disorder and refuse their diagnosis

 

[Sherlock77]

Thanks for all the responses, hopefully this might help some other people out as well... I do think my motivation for telling certain people (at my discretion) is because it helps to explain "me" a little more and what makes me tick, good or bad... Or maybe I'm wrong to be like that...