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Asperger's & Autism Forum
Before I start I want to make it clear this is not necessarily about the difference between Aspie and NT. I was only diagnosed fairly recently and wanted to see if a certain behavioural trait of mine is common amongst other aspies.
So, here in the UK, like many places in the world, there are a number of "social norms" and conventions that people follow, participate in or enjoy. I've always been acutely aware that I rarely fit in with the majority here and often align my preferences with other cultures of fringe groups. Since learning of my diagnosis I'm wondering if that is because:
a) I struggle to understand social norms so subconsciously adopt opposing traits or behaviours to avoid having to interact with others;
b) I am attracted to opposing social norms because I subconsciously want people to be aware that I am different to them without spelling it out;
c) I just genuinely don't buy into all the crap and do my own thing.
Just wondered if you guys had experienced anything...
Please, please, please don't get mad at me if I'm asking something too personal here. I'm not interested in figures. I don't what I'm going to do. Can I make it on disability benefits alone? I can't go back to school because I have a student loan debt of $6,800. I am unemployable in my present debilitating state. I cringe at the thought of being under someone else's control since I'm insufficient. I want to learn how to establish myself where I can work from home and be free to be myself and take care of myself and not ever worry about people putting THEIR RULES on me. I can't wait til I'm free to be me. Yes, I know it's all my fault that I'm in this predicament. I'm the one who made lousy choices in life. And now I'm in the midst of my wreckage and barely surviving, which I totally deserve. I have alot of respect and admiration for you guys who are confident, positive, talented, successful and loving your life. I am none of these.
I'm desperate for Aspies' input. Need help in how to communicate about sex and my needs.
I am very attracted to my boyfriend. Once I told him that and he said "no one has ever told me that. I don't know how to respond." I said "you don't have to. I'm just telling you." He cracks me up sometimes.
Just as any couple can have, we have different sex drives, mine is stronger. That's ok. It's workable.
On top of this he has quirks and I bring issues into our relationship that predate meeting him. Specifically, it is painful for me to speak about sex explicitly. Hard to use certain words. Hard to give instructions. Hard for me to ask my needs be met.
His physical needs are met on a regular basis with some extra treats in between. This causes a couple problems. 1. Because his libido is lower, he feels satisfied for a while after. Even though he has on multiple occasions said he feels guilty that I'm not satisfied after we make love, he doesn't seem to initiate other ways he could...
Starting Midnight Monday morning you're brain temporarily re-wires itself so that you're now an NT, you keep as much of your personality as is possible during the transition but obviously there are now changes and they'll end at 11:59pm the following Sunday.
What (if anything) will do you with yourself for that one week?
Me, I'd go out to as many places to socialise as possible and secretly record it to help more poor aspie self. Assuming I were any more appealing to talk to than I am now.
I'm grateful for each and every time my family members took throughout their lives to teach me how to be better, each and every way they did it. I thank them and I acknowledge their effort. I'm not complaining in any way.
I am happy and now I have the self-image of a King (without the nascissistic part) and I'm more adaptable than Bear Grylls. I made this happiness on my own.
However, I need to verbalize this so I can explain it with words somehow. I went through some obscure experiences as a child because I was different.
My mother, father and grandparents would say they were trying to help getting me to go to school, but they would threaten to send me to an Insane Asylum because of my behaviour. My mother would actually empty my drawers, pack my things and pretend (I didn't know at the time) to call them to take me, according to her "They are going to fix you and when you're drooling drugged from psychotic medication, you'll remember me telling you this but then it will be too...
The title says it all. How do I ask for affection? I know if someone is affectionate to me I can return it in the same way (learned it from an online course on relationships). But what if I'm the one who wants to start it?
It's rare for me to feel connected to people but I do enjoy when an understanding someone is sweet to me and strokes my hair or do things like that, it feels like I'm dreaming of Heaven.
People around me seem to get it often without asking. How do they do it?
I've asked them and they didn't seem to understand the question or said they never thought about it, "it just happens".
The times I asked for affection it turned out awkward because I didn't understand how it worked.
When I was a child I would say "I think I have lice" so my aunt would run her fingers through my hair. (I think everyone did this at least once).
Can someone explain how I should ask (or not ask) for it? Is it something you say or do? Am I supposed to just rub against them like a cat? (jk)...
What are some of the qualities your "ideal" mate has? I have a few ideas for mine(note that since I personally am a heterosexual male, I will use feminine pronouns to describe my ideal mate, feel free to substitute masculine personal pronouns if applicable):
You would watch paint dry, just to be with her.
When she's around, the sun seems to shine just as little bit brighter.
You could easily see yourself growing old with her.
The first thing you want to see every morning is her face.
You would die for her.
She does the little things that you like.
She respects your opinions, even if she doesn't agree with them.
She wants to be your partner, not your Siamese twin.
She makes your world better just by being in it.
Just thinking about her makes you happy.
I'm kind of annoyed in some ways that having had behavioral problems throughout most of my school life (especially through having to see a councillor on and off roughly between ages 7-9) that I was never suspected or diagnosed with aspergers sooner than age 25 and yet others (admitedly some of whom showed stronger or more obvious symptoms) had the luxury of a much earlier diagnosis in their life and could at least have something to attribute some or most of their problems to. My mum (who made my unoficial diagnosis through some training at her pre-school) was the one who suspected this of me and then retracted the assumption a long time after (by which time I knew much more than her and was totally convinced). It's still potentially going to be a long wait before an official diagnosis, but I want to hear from others.
How old were you when you were suspected of this?
Who suspected it?
What country and or health service (if any) were you diagnosed or helped under?
What did your...
Five female friends I went to Uni with ( we are all 60 ) want to go away for three days to Sydney and stay in an apartment together and they want me to come too. Help.......they are all 100% NT and talk non stop and are so social. I run out of things to talk about after 5 minutes as I don't like gossip or talking about other people and I just don't need to talk all the time and when i do want to talk I cannot get a word in anyway and by then the conversation has moved on and what I wanted to say is no longer relevant. I need a lot of alone quiet time. I just don't think i will cope being in such close quarters with them for that long
I have told one of the group who is a lifelong friend that I am on the spectrum ( high functioning Aspie) when I refused to go interstate to her 60th as I don't like parties so I felt obliged to explain but she doesn't get it and just thinks I don't try hard enough . Social situations create enormous stress for me before and during and I really only...
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