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Asperger's & Autism Forum
I just want to preface this by saying this site is a great help to me and I really enjoy it here, and I do care quite a bit about all of you. I don't mean to sound like I'm writing off the people on this site when I talk about this issue. This is a daily-life issue, not primarily an online-based one.
I have never had a true friendship in real life. I have made many attempts at having friends but I was always hurt in the end and left feeling as though I had been played for a fool. My "friends" turned on me and ended up being bullies in the end. Some chose to simply discard me with no further contact and I was often abruptly removed from the friend group without being informed of what I had done to deserve such harsh treatment.
Being an introvert and an Aspie, I have never felt the need to be popular or surrounded by friends, though I have always wanted to have a small group of people I could relate to and talk with. I have never been able to achieve this goal.
It is difficult for...
Hi, I'm a college student who's an aspie, I have a problem, everytime I want to get close to people and have relationships, I back out. For example, I want to add friends on my facebook, but then before they get the chance to add me I go back and cancel the request. My feelings would be hurt if they don't add me or I'm blocked. Is afraid of getting super close to anyone a part of my aspergers syndrome?
So I'm going to try my best to explain this, but I have a hard time translating my thoughts into words sometimes (I read a lot of you think in pictures rather than words, but I don't think in either - it's like if a paragraph were summarized into a feeling or urge - needless to say I find words fall short and don't convey the depth of what I intend them to.
So I used to think I was an introspective person with a great capacity for relaying my thoughts and feelings to others. Over time I have found that it just isn't so. I have a hard time connecting my emotions to concepts of what illicit them unless it is something that has been explained to me.
Example: Before I knew about ASD I knew I hated showers. To the point I once went a year without a bath or shower (I would wash my hair every 2 weeks and use wet wipes on my "smelly parts" - I know, gross. Welcome to my life). When I tried to explain why I couldn't shower or bathe, all I could say is that it was exhausting, or...
Has anyone else had a history of neighbors who end up bullying you?
At first, I thought it was just really bad luck that I kept getting into stupid situations with my neighbors, usually ending with screaming matches and nasty emails, but now that I'm older and moved yet again to a new area, the "bad neighbor problem" has occurred once again & now I think it's ME! Could it be me????
Seriously, I think it's me! I know I can't be that unlucky to always have a bad neighbor, right?
What happens is always the same: a neighbor does something that freaks me out, and then I respond in an inappropriate way.
Here's my theory: some people "recognize" intuitively when you're autistic, and they attack you, also in an inappropriate way. from what I can tell, I bring out the "inner bully" in some people.
Here's my recent situation: I moved to the waterfront on Chesapeake. Love it, b/c I am on the water and surrounded by a wildlife conservation area - that is, NATURE! and nature makes...
I found that at first I was quite elated. I wasn't a lone nutcase anymore, and I had a name for why I was always different. At first it was wholly positive.
Then I started feeling uncomfortable with a label, and applying one with such weight to myself felt really weird.
Then as I read more, and saw how society treats autistic people I got really pissed off. It's unfair and moronic for the world to label and marginalise people who could make amazing contributions to life.
Next, and since I am self diagnosed, and since there is a small chunk of my brain that's an absolute dick head, I then experienced a lot of thoughts like "well maybe you're not anyway", "how do you know for sure?"
I've just been going through a stage where I've been trying to drop a lot of the things I do to "pass". This is the "screw you guys, my people are on the internet" stage.
These have been distinct, in that the came up and faded, but they now all exist to a lesser degree.
What comes next I wonder?
I have head scripting mentioned across this site and through other sources. I think it is something I probably take part in to some degree but can't really find a satisfactory explanation as to how it works. I gather a list of appropriate responses to things others say. But I feel there is more to it than that which I'm missing.
I remember vividly getting confused with how I was supposed to eat. Like, one fork meat, another rice, another plantain. 'But wait. Am I following the right order? I think I ate rice twice'... and so on, so people would talk to me (of course, I hadn't heard a thing, I was concentrated in nourishing myself evenly) and then I would lose concentration again. And, of course, I would be scolded because "I was not paying attention" to what was being said to me.
Different foods could not touch, obviously, that would be too much mayhem. My sister (I think she did it to annoy me) would cut everything in little pieces, then MIX IT ALL (to my dismay) and to my total horror, she would add ketchup all over, mix it again, and eat it.
Then I found the solution for my problems: eat all the plantain, then all the meat, then all the rice.
Later, I decided that different foods could not share the same plate. So I would serve meat first, eat it. Then plantain, eat it. Then rice.
I was "cured" when...
I can't take it anymore! I'm having the same bad thoughts in my head every single day. All people do is criticize me about my behavior. People think that i'm mean and that I don't care about anybody else but myself. My grandmother keeps thinking that i'm aggravating her when all i'm doing is stimming. My father thinks the reason that i'm depressed is that I don't have enough structure when the real reason is because all people are doing is judging me about my behavior all the time. Whenever I mention to my father that I want to commit suicide, he doesn't take it seriously and thinks that i'm just being silly. These suicide thoughts happen when i'm on my Concerta. When my Concerta wears off, I start kissing my two cuties (my 9 year old sister and 6 year old brother) and call my 9 year old sister "Cutie" and my 6 year old brother "Pinny The Pooh" in order to fight off those bad thoughts of people criticizing and judging me. This actually helps get rid of it until the next morning...
I'm not sure how to phrase this in the title, but I'm curious if other people around here experience the same thing I am. I'm usually quite capable of understanding subtext in a conversation, and I'd say I'm fluent in sarcasm. However, when I've just woken up (I'd say at least in the first hour or so after waking), I tend to take every remark completely literal. I am unable to discern when my boyfriend says something to me in jest. I am unable to follow any of his thought processes unless he spells them out for me, I become really agitated really quickly because I feel like I fail at basic communication. It's like I understand all the words coming out of his mouth separately, but I cannot comprehend what he means to say when I put all the words together. At least half of our fights start this way, when he comes home from his night shift, says something innocuous which I don't understand, which makes me agitated, he tells me to calm down (which causes me to go full Super Saiyan,...
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