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Asperger's & Autism Forum
All these years of being misunderstood, not to mention failed relationships, trying to figure out why I can't relate to most people has made my life quite difficult. After finding out through online assessments (no official diagnosis due to financial issues) that I was on the spectrum about a month or so ago, I feel it was bittersweet. I'm glad I have knowledge of it, but at the same time I'm wondering where to go from here. I don't have the emotional energy to date right now. I'd really like to hear from others.
i find it very hard to hate/dislike someone even if i logically believe i should, and in the past the few times i have felt dislike for someone it fades quickly. i was just wondering if any of you other aspies ever run into this. (also i count this as the reason that i can not understand why anyone would have bigotry for any other human)
Channel 4 here in the UK conducting a survey in conjunction with the Autism Research Centre with Professor Simon Baron-Cohen. The data will be used in a new programme called How Autistic Are You? You also have the choice of allowing Cambridge University to use your data anonymously too.
40 questions, 5 minutes. Have a go if you're interested.
How Autistic Are You? - All 4
I find I am extremely adverse to coffee shops and restaurants attempting to be 'trendy' and offering communal seating. These fill me with so much dread and anxiety that I refuse to eat there.
They have the warmth of a prison lunchroom (guessing) and the forced social awkwardness of a wedding where you are the plus one and don't know anyone.
They make no sense to me other than to squeeze in as many patrons as they can whilst saving on comfort and privacy. So from a trader's perspective, it might be appealing, but if people are uncomfortable and avoid your establishment, then it is counter productive.
However, my local ones are packed with people. Bursting at the seams full. I don't get it.
I also hate the "industrial look" with their hard, metal, uncomfortable chairs and fluro lighting...
Do they affect anyone else this strongly?
Just saw a post about NTs feeling traumatized in a relationship with an Aspie. The article describing the relationship trauma might have been written by my spouse, who is often convinced he "bought a lemon" when he fell in love with me. He also thinks I use my AS diagnosis as an excuse to get a free pass on responsibility for temper tantrums, social gaffes and so on.
My mother thought she bought lemons too when she found motherhood so hard, she put my sister and me in an orphanage- so this lemon thing just pisses me off.
My husband feels held back by a spouse who is not a true partner; I point out that a "normal" person could not keep up with him. I feel like it would take Superwoman to please him, much less an Aspie! But his idea that pretty much everything is my fault is insulting because, heaven knows, I try. It's like I'm the dairy maid who married the lord of the manor- from another planet!
Back to the toxic relationship thing, I don't think NTs acknowledge the pressure...
I am the mother of a son who is on the spectrum. While he was diagnosed several years ago, I have known that he processed things differently for a long time. I thought the diagnosis gave Me Something to work with; and I some ways it has, but it also creates a lot of questions.
When I look at lists of Asperger traits many of them fit but many do not. As a parent I want to be understanding and be supportive, but at the same time I also want to instill proper values. By values, I mean honesty, trustworthiness, consideration, kindness, etc.
My son who is 17 seems to lack impulse control. Not hyperactivity or in a Tourette's manner, but if he wants something he will take it regardless of the situation. I try to explain why the particular behavior is wrong, but he always has a justification for his poor behavior. The way he so easily rationalizes his dishonesty truly scares me because I am afraid that if he carries this behavior outside the house it will...
For most of my life, I have suffered from severe insomnia. When I was little I hated taking naps because I always felt like I was missing out on things, and/or that everyone did all of the fun things while I was sleeping so that I couldn't be included. I know about this because my parents told me about it, but I don't how I slept after that until I was about 12 because I tended to keep my problems to myself, and my memory doesn't go back that far. But around the age of 12 is when my insomnia started getting really bad. By the time I was 15 I often would only sleep 2 or 3 hours a night, and it got to the point where I'd just start falling asleep in class or or the bus. It got better for a short while, but now over the past 5 or 6 years or so it has gotten bad again. Currently, I only sleep a 2 or 3 hours a night, and when I do sleep I have terrible nightmares and suffer from frequent bouts of sleep paralysis. I've tried teas, aroma-therapy, peaceful sounds, medications, not...
This kinda ties in with my post about me needing to be more submissive...Probably my most serious problem right now is I have anger issues that border on hellatious and god-awful. I went from kid screaming and kicking the ground in a time out spot to a four armed, masochistic demiurge of destruction in the span of only two years. I've been known to attack my stepfather who frequently only makes my anger worse thanks to his belief in "disciplinary negative reinforcement", which of course results in me crawling away with a black eye, bloody face, swollen cheeks or all three, and at one point what was supposed to be a slightly overpowered love tap turned into a faceblast which resulted in my front right tooth escaping my mouth (though he formally apologized for this and made up for it later on).
Getting back to the issue, my rage is getting worse and my breaking points are getting thinner! Allow me to explain the formula of how my anger issues work in my case:
The level of tolerance...
Everyone educated enough in autism knows despite sharing a lot of similarities, we are all different.
Lorna Wing described autistic people as being in one or in a few categories. They are:
Most frequent subtype among the lower functioning. Most high-functioning in this group are a mixture of aloof and passive. Limited language use. Copes with life using autistic routines. Most are recognised in childhood. Independence is difficult to achieve. There may be loneliness and sadness beneath the aloofness. Rain Man is an excellent example of this subgroup.
Often amiable, gentle, and easily led. Those passive rather than aloof from infancy may fit AS. More likely than the aloof to have had a mainstream education, and their psych skill profiles are less uneven. Social approaches passively accepted (little response or show of feelings). Characteristic autistic egocentricity less obvious in this group than in others. Activities are limited and repetitive, but less so than...
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