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Asperger's & Autism Forum
I've gotten so much great feedback and insight on here about my relationship with my ASD boyfriend. I've also done a ton of reading. Both have helped me tremendously. I'm someone who can cope better if I understand something intellectually.
I'm curious to know people's experience from the other perspective. For those who are on the autistic spectrum, what difficulties do you find in romantic relationships? What are common challenges and have you been successful at overcoming or ameliorating them?
I'm interested to hear your comments and experiences.
So everytime I post I always feel I have to preface it by saying I don't have Aspergers but probably do have Nonverbal Learning Disability which most likely has some connection, as well as Anxiety and some mild depression.
Hopefully I'll stop feeling I have to remind everyone of this, as I'm not sure why I feel the need to haha.
Anyways, one thing that I seem to have in common with many Aspies is difficulty with a lot of change.
On the one hand, I really can't stand that so many of my days seem to be the same, and I desperately crave change, and yet, I feel somehow incapable of creating the change I need for myself in life.
I don't want to go off about all of the things I want to change, there's many and some are very personal, but they are very important things that will require real effort to achieve, and somehow I just don't feel I have the energy and/or determination and/or conscious knowledge of how to do them.
I go back and forth between theories as to exactly WHY I...
Like the title suggests, I have lived my life fearing how others may perceive me and really putting on mask after mask after mask to try to please everybody.
At one point in my life, maybe mid to late thirties, I had a complete burnout!
That was when I decided I don't need friends anymore let alone toxic relatives, and just shut myself in with my immediate family. The more time that passed, the more revelations I had! I was able to analyze a lot of things in my life and found out that I was always trying to please somebody, even if it was completely against my nature to do so.
Nowadays , I care so much less, and even though I still have to rationalize to get myself to that state, I can do it!
I ask myself a series of questions, like why do I care what they think of me and such, and in the end (most times) I'm able to reach the 'healthy' conclusion.
Anybody else out there suffer from this?
My step-daughter has autism. We spent a little over 3 years in and out of different therapies and school programs before getting to that diagnosis. We learned a lot along the way, including the near certainty that I have autism as well.
My wife and I decided that I should get evaluated. I have self diagnosed at this point, but still want a professional opinion. I have an evaluation scheduled for next week.
She has been acting very different towards me for the past couple weeks. For example, this morning I told my dad I would give him a ride to the beach tonight to spend time with his brother who is here from the other side of the country. I missed a call from him and noticed it about an hour before he had originally asked me to get him. My wife told me not to feel bad for missing his call. I jokingly said that I wished I had gotten it so that I might already be on my way home from the long drive.
Her response was to say that "Oh yeah, you're self centered. You only think about...
How old were you when you got your first job? And what was it, how did you get it? How was it?
I'm curious, I wasn't allowed to work when I was school aged, I didn't get my license until I was 18, and immediately started applying everywhere I could think of... I only ever got three interviews in the couple years post high school before I started doing something else (I was in college for a while, married, ran away from him, was homeless for a minute) so there was a local club and I just started working there...
I've always been fascinated by people working in stores,especially at the mall, when I was 18-19-20 I wanted to work at the mall so bad lol.
So I've only ever worked housekeeping for a week but got fired because I took too long, (we'll they don't want you to actually clean anything just straighten up, hotels are straight scary). I worked at a grocer for only 2 hours before they sent me home and two weeks later told me I wasn't needed...
Anymore of don't bother...
I'm throwing this out there in order to get some feedback about how to get my point across on something that is really detrimental to my relationship.
My ASD boyfriend and I have been at odds on many occasions since the US Presidential election. Not surprisingly, he tends to be very rigid in the way he sees the world. We just see things differently, but he is unable to GET that he isn't RIGHT. His beliefs are just different.
Sometimes his apparent lack of empathy toward others is truly shocking. He sees himself as compassionate, which he is toward people with whom he has a personal relationship. We are very different in this. I am a bleeding heart. I feel strongly about social justice, human rights, etc.
Since the election I've been obsessed with keeping up on the news. I belong to an activist group. I've volunteered my time for these efforts.
My bf hates the government, believes citizens can't change anything, says I'm wasting my time, says it's bad for my mental...
She just can't handle it. If I point out something another aspie author has written about their struggles, and say, "Hey I relate to this, I thought I was the only one!" she takes it to mean that I'm miserable about everything in our lives, which of course I'm not. The bottom line is I can't bring up anything about this anymore, no new discoveries, no reflections. I have no friends I talk to. I'm just totally alone in all of this.
I was just diagnosed this past summer and I'm 39.
I spend much time involuntarily held in my autistic inner world. For me, it is a powerful, dominant, default state, which I struggle to remain clear of long enough to use a sharp knife, crisis a street, go potty by myself. Many times during when I am trying to do something (like write a forum post--Ha!), my inner world will snatch me away. Eventually, I fight to come clear... to see my toast is by then burnt, or the person I was in conversation with is glaring, annoyed.
Imagine if you forget what you are doing... as you are doing it.
Paying attention long enough to use a sharp knife is risky, and being in the real world is
Ike a. Us le I try to flex.. but it doesn't last long before inner world snatches me away again.
Anyway, I spend my entire life constantly "coming to"--- like waking up after surgery, or like when you went to the bathroom during the commercial break and do. der what you missed of your TV show.
I get panicky as several times during a bus ride, or in a car...
world autism awareness day is on sunday the 2nd of april.
im wondering what id could do to help make some awareness,i might speak to the company who supports me to see about doing a talk about autism for the staff.
you could do anything for WAAD,things like special blog write ups on the day and on autism are common every year,some people raise money for autism charities on the day and so forth.
come on,lets get some ideas together,maybe we as a community could do something together? one idea thats just popped in my head,we all say abit about how autism affects us,and someone who is pretty skilled with video software could merge them all so we have one long video of how autism affects our awesome community? just a thought,i dont know if it is a crap idea.
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