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Is this an Asperger's thing?

T

TheBlankCanvas

Well-Known Member
I've been feeling pretty depressed for the past while, and recently my brother came into my room unexpectedly, and asked if he could use my console, I said he couldn't (Because he smokes, the thought of the dirt on his hands touching my stuff freaks me out) But after I said this he raised his voice and started moving all my stuff around and smearing his hands over it (Because he knows I hate that) After he did this, I didn't know what to do, I felt pretty angry, and upset and sad all at once to describe it at best. I just curled up into a ball and (tried not to cry, but I did to be perfectly honest) I don't know why I did this, once he left the room, I lay down on the floor and just lay their for a good hour or so, I sort of lost track of time, I felt as if I couldn't move, or talk. But after a while of that I felt an uncontrollable urge to start punching something and throw stuff and hit my head of something repeatedly, I knew I would get in trouble if I did any of that, so to hide it the best I good I just kicked over my chair and punched and banged my head of my bed, not for that long though, maybe about 30-45 seconds. Then I just lay there for another half hour. I don't know what it was, or why it happened, I don't remember ever doing this before. I think it might have something to do with the depression, as I generally get easily agitated when I'm sad. But the closest I've ever had to this before is just an urge, but I've always managed to keep it in, this was the first time I truly felt out of control. Could anyone possibly explain to me what this is, if it's an Asperger's thing or not? I would really appreciate it.
 
It sounds like you basically had a shutdown first to process then information and then had resulting meltdown. That is what happens to people with AS when they are overwhelmed with stimuli, sensory issues, emotions, thoughts, frustration anger.
 
Arashi222 said:
It sounds like you basically had a shutdown first to process then information and then had resulting meltdown. That is what happens to people with AS when they are overwhelmed with stimuli, sensory issues, emotions, thoughts, frustration anger.
Click to expand...
What's a shutdown?
 
As Arashi said, a shutdown is a sensory overload---you couldn't handle all the emotions you were feeling, so you blew up and then lay in stasis for a while, so to speak.

It's normal. Don't worry. You just need to find healthy outlets for your emotions so you don't end up hurting yourself when you bang around your room.
 
TheBlankCanvas said:
What's a shutdown?
Click to expand...
A shutdown is the opposite of a meltdown. Usually you end up like you did on the floor quiet zoned completely out and usually people can't really reach you during that time. Meltdowns are the more explosive piece and its perfectly normal for someone with and ASD.
 
Wow. Firstly, let me apologize, on your brothers behalf. I take your brother knows you have AS. I cant get my head around why a family member would do something like that. That sort of behavior has serious implications for you canvas. The home is a place where your supposed to feel safe. He seriously needs to educate himself, to be a part of the solution. You will have enuf to deal with in the outside world without that sort of crap. Im sorry if this sounds over the top. Its just im a little over protective, when it comes to matters like this
 
Thanks Turk! Yeah he knows, I just don't think he realises the effect doing stuff like that can have on me. Just an accident really.
 
I know brothers and sisters fight. Im sorry if my comments came across a little opinionated. I have this justice issue, that has me wanting to put things right. Hell, I don a cape and underpants on the outside, if I didnt think they'd lock me up. But seriously canvas, when a shutdown or meltdown hits, there is nothing you can do about it. The feelings that come afterwards, are a different story. Come to the forum's for support. Knowing your not alone is powerful medicine. There are so many ppl on here and we all have our bad days. The thing is we don't all have them at the same time. Collectively, we can be there for each other.
 
This sounds a lot like experiences I've had. I can't say I recall a time when my reaction was taken to that degree, but I know all too well the feeling of being overwhelmed.

Clearly normal people can get overwhelmed with things, but it probably happens more with us. Does this sound like a fair statement?
 
Absolutely. We don't have that "filter" that lets us rein in our emotions as quickly.
 
It is normal. I go into meltdown/shutdown mode rarely now, as I've learned to avoid most triggers. However, what I cannot avoid is my husband. My husband has social anxiety, which means that, if I act socially awkward in public (hello, aspie here - it's gonna happen!), he feels anxiety and reacts angrily. Yesterday we were in a shop, and, while he was talking to me, I got distracted and looked at something in the shop, inadvertently ignored him, and my ignoring him while he was talking to me made him angry. Later, in the car, he lashed out at me, called me "socially retarded" and an "idiot." I repeatedly told him to not speak rudely, not raise his voice, not say mean things, that he would have a negative effect on me, might cause a meltdown, etc., but he did not listen to me and kept on and on. The kettle inside me blew, and, as often is the result, I exploded in rage, like the incredible Hulk, yelling, cursing, ranting, screaming like that little girl in the Exorcist, as if possessed by some demon. Afterward, after we got home, I sat in the car, alone, for about 20-30 minutes, first, breaking down in tears, then second, staring at a fence... just staring, decompressing. The next stage is exhaustion, needing to lie down. No matter how much I try to explain this process and effect, I can't seem to make my husband understand it. So... your brother may be the same thing. They (family members) sometimes just don't get it. I don't know how to make them get it. Would be nice if I could just give him a film to watch because me explaining it to him will never work, as he doesn't seem to listen.
 
That was an incredibly honest and moving account of what you go through,Cynthi. Having been both, the victim and perpetrator, of exactly those type of situations, in my past, I wept on reading this. If there is an expectation for you to accountable for your behaviors, those same expectations appy to your husband. His condition doesnt get to trump anybody else's.
Cheers
Turk
 
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I recognise the part of anger in your story canvas.

A few weeks back, I was hanging out in school wit 'friends' because class was canceled. And they started bullying their own friend, wich was a girl, to the point that they pulled off her shoes and threw them away. She walked away and started crying. At that point I became so angry, I could punch those guys down to the ground, and more things. For a second I wanted them to be dead. My hands were shaky, but I managed to stay calm and not burst out in rage. When the need to hurt them was over I felt like needing to hurt myself in a lot of ways. Like cutting smashing and alot of other things. But I controlled myself again. But the feeling stayed with me for a full 2 hours. At home I listened to some relaxing music and let the emotions fall off of me, not that I cried, I felt emotionless at that point. The rest of the day though I was quite grumpy.
 
Hi Sander! Again, this sounds far more like ADHD, NOT ASD, it's not always hard to decipher which is which. But, this DOESN't seem like ASD. ADHD individuals are more known to be violent or in thought can want to be. NOT ASD individual's. Now an ADHD diagnosis encompasses the H even if you are ADD without the H. As I said in a different thread, I'm a disability advocate. I know this stuff. And I have ADD but, not a violent type along with my ASD.
 
As for the black canvas- the others are right. As for Cynthia and the Black Canvas I'll post more to help u too later.
 
Well done on your post Cynthia, I hope it also been able to re-empower you,. By putting out there
 
Sander, ever hear of Ben Carson? He's a famous doctor now in the US. There's an awesome inspirational movie called "Gifted Hands" resembling part of his life. He's also written many books too. I highlight recommend atleast one version of "GIFTED HANDS" the movie or book. Especially, for someone like you.
 
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